It happened again. But this time it was different. It usually goes straight to pain. The beginning was new. I have had nightmares for as long as I could remember, some reoccurring and some completely different.
•
I really wanted to wear the jacket today. But alas I must try not to come off as a creep. I wish being a creep was not frowned upon. Or I could just stop over analyzing every little thing. Naw.
I'm glad that the incident yesterday did not leave a visible bruise. Although if it did I like to pride myself in the experienced skill of covering bruises. Mother leaves a lot sometimes. I actually really like makeup but not in the more commonly thought way. It fascinates me for some reason the way you can almost completely change a persons looks. I actually have quite the collection of makeup along with some sfx products like latex and alcohol activated paints. I could see myself being involved in that profession when I get out of high school.
Wow you want to work in makeup, how much more of a fag can you get? No wonder mother hates you.
Okay that was rude of my brain, I can do what I want. Just shut up. I felt like being a tad bit defiant so I put on some mascara. Not going too over board. It felt nice none the less. I feel like I could bat these lashes and get away with anything. It's funny how putting on some makeup makes me feel more badass. Well I mean makeup is pretty badass. Watch out hoes here I come. • Lol that mood did not last long.
I'm in the back of the class room shivering, even though my blue cardigan is fashionable it is not very warm, the leather jacket in my lap is growing more tempting my the second. Dan is not here yet. I have no one to stare at creepily. I mean some of the guys are pretty hot but not Dan's level of hotness, he has no competition, at least not in my eyes. Speaking of, here- Oh, that's not Dan. Darn What am I doing with my life? Absolutely nothing. Fun Nor will I ever do anything that actually matters in this world. I'm just too small. I hope when I am decomposing in the earth flowers will grow from me. At least I'll do something good then. Right now I am just adding to the state sized islands of trash in the ocean. Go feed the flowers sooner Philly. Save the rest. They deserve better, you deserve to be dead. I felt my face fall even more. I'm right. I'm worthless on this little planet. The door opens to the class room once again. I don't look up. What's the point? I close my eyes and will that tear to not fall, I might be having a depressing swing but my mascara WILL not smear. "Hey-" "JeZus." "Oh Sorrysorrysorry, I did not mean to jump scare you or anything," Dan paused looking me really in the eyes this time. "What's wrong Phil?- I mean if you want to talk about it of corse."
(Is Phil wearing mascara? Bad ass, man.)
I could tell he did not want to cross a line but he was still concerned. I just sigh, "I'm not sure how to explain it, it's stupid, I'm fine." "If you ever find the words I'm here, trust me I have had my fair share of mixed up emotions, talking through it definitely helped me." A slight smile was creeping onto my face with how scattered he was while still treading lightly. " Thank you Dan," holding eye contact to reassure him. Remembering that I had his jacket in my lap still I brought it up on my desk. "This is yours right?" I said tying to play it off cool since I wasn't supposed to be awake when he was in the nurses office. "Oh, yeah, I'm surprised that you still came to school today. You took a pretty hard fall, I'm sorry about that too Phil. Sam and I have some beef from the past and I should not have let that affect my actions when someone else was involved."
(Dan had thought about that apology for a solid hour.)
"I would rather someone stand up for me than nothing at all, I'm thankful Dan. Trust me." He sighed in relief and sat in the seat next to me, I gestured the jacket again toward him, he went to take it and his hand absently settled on mine. "Is that all you have today for warmth?" His hand was still on mine, he was still paused from taking his jacket. Hot dang his hand is warm, not the clammy warm but the soft warm. Nice. Fuck he is expecting an answer.
"Ah yeah, it's all good though my coat is in the wash today." I tried to pull my hand away from the jacket and his hand even if I wanted to do the opposite of that. "You can wear it then." He sat the jacket back on my desk, "it goes good with your outfit anyway." JeZuS "Oh, thank you Dan-" I was going to continue saying that I could not possibly, would it be normal to insist that it was okay and I was fine without?
I don't care right now about what is normal.
Fuck it I'm doing it.
I slung the thick leather jacket on and sunk slightly into its oversized goodness. I looked over to meet his satisfied smirk and scoffed playfully at him and looked to the front of the room where the teacher was preparing to start the lesson. I was not giving him the extra satisfaction with my childish grin.
A/N: lol I could list a ton of excuses for this chapter being so late but instead I'm just gonna leave this here.
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