Lovenapped

Stockholm Syndrome

Raj

Even though it's dark out I don't turn my headlights on. I've driven these route so many times before I know it like the back of my hand... But Leyla doesn't know that. She keeps flicking quick pained glances at me, her eyes pleading for me to switch the flick and let the beams light up the road ahead. I floor the acceleration pedal watching the speedometer rising slowly to start off with before the engine takes over the ticker reaches 190 mile per hour. The surroundings turn into a constant blur around us as the car zooms down the straight road. It used to be a speed thrill for me, but I've floored this engine so many times that now it's just natural. I notice Leyla gripping onto the handle of the car door, her knuckle white from the pressure she is exerting. She is totally shitting herself and that's how I want her to feel. She betrayed me. She lied to me. She fucked me over. Nobody gets away with that. Tonight I'm going to get rid of her for good. This is just the beginning of her ordeal. I'll joyride with her in the passenger seat before I take her to an abandoned warehouse and put a bullet in her pretty little head. Then I'll go home and find Anderson. Did they both think they could pull the wool over my eyes? I can see a red light up ahead but don't ease off the accelerator. On the contrary I plead with the car to inch forward faster and it abides, the speed increasing to 210.

"Raj?!" Leyla squeaks out clamping her eyes shut expecting us to go plowing straight into some other cars. I smirk to myself. Leyla is petrified, my exact aim. Just as we are approaching the light changes to green and we race through. The best thing about driving late at night is that there are no other cars around, especially not around where I live. It's mainly abandoned buildings and industrial sights with a few mansions dotted around with spoilt rich kids joyriding their parents cars. I know this place like it's second nature. I know exactly what I'm doing, where I'm going. Leyla should have a little more faith. I'll kill her when the time is right and that's in a couple of minutes. I count the warehouses on the left as we fly past. In ten warehouses time it'll be time to turn right and pick my way to the abandoned site of my choice. The whole situation plays out in front of me. Leyla telling Anderson she loves him, my response, her death. In fact it's playing in my mind so much that I blank out what's in front of me. Leyla's eyes will beg me to let her live, but I have no mercy for her. The love I felt has gone, replaced with hatred and disgust. I let myself fall for a cunning hitch! Well I'll show her whose boss.

"Raj!" Leyla screams hitting my arm pulling me back from my dreamland. My eyes widen, the scene in front of me focuses as I slam the breaks on and swerve the car, pulling the handbrake up forcing the car into a drift. As the back wheels screech against the ground and the tail end swings out behind us causing the car into a complete spin I turn to Leyla. She has tears streaming down her face, shock and fear in her eyes, trembling lips. She is gripping onto anything her fingers will latch onto. I can't kill her. I love her. I don't hate her at all. I've been so stupid, I should have just sent Anderson away not dragged Leyla into this mess. Now both of us could both die because I've had to swerve to miss some stupid rich kid on a motorcycle. It's like the car is doing pirouettes as we spin but move further and further down the road which I know ends in a sharp drop off a cliff. If we both die tonight then I will be incomplete. I haven't told her how I feel about her but as I open my mouth to tell her the car abruptly stops flinging our bodies forward against our seat belts. As we recoil back into our seats I release my grip on the steering wheel, a grip I didn't even know I was holding as I flex my fingers feeling a slight cramp in them. We are both panting, our heart-rates through the roof, at the events that have just happened. I'm full of adrenaline, the events a rush for me, one I haven't had for quite a while whilst Leyla is full of fear thinking her life was probably going to end. I look over at her, her eyes closed, mouth mumbling what seems to be a pray. Looking at her I just have to get out the car before I do something stupid. I need some air, need to be away from her, need to try and understand what I heard. I throw the door open and scramble to undo my seatbelt before practically falling out of the car. The cold air hits me and is a relief from the burning heat inside of me, a burning hatred for Leyla's words. I slam the door shut watching Leyla jump from the sound. Every time I look at her I just fall for her over and over again but I can't keep doing this to myself. I'm torn between doing the right thing for the group, either keeping Leyla hostage moving her to a different safe house away from me and Anderson or killing her; and doing the right thing for me, admitting my love for her. But Leyla could never love me, I've done so much shit to her. I turn away from the car and run my fingers through my hair gritting my teeth in frustration. For God's sake what's wrong with me?! I used to be so assertive and in control making decisions on the spot and never regretting their outcome. Now I'm always questioning myself, second guessing, thinking about consequences. It's since I nearly killed Leyla, I just have to stop and think which I should do. If I'm holding a gun to someone's head and stop to think about pulling the trigger I'm ninety percent sure the tables would be turned and I'd have a bullet in my head, which cannot happen. I'm responsible for too many lives.