Lovenapped

I Can't

Leyla

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mrs Chopra asks for the tenth time in the past half an hour. I nod my head trying to hold my perfect smile in place as I ease myself onto the sofa opposite her trying to conceal my shaking hands from her. She just places this look on her face, big wide eyes and straight lined lips which is telling me she knows I'm lying.

"Yeah you do look a little peaky," Jas now pipes up too. We were supposed to be spending a girly afternoon together but I've just felt like such shit all day. My head feels woozy whenever I stand up and I'm just so tired.

"I'm fine," I lie trying not to grit my teeth at this constant drone of noise in my head. I just want to go and lie down in a dark room and hold my hands over my ears and scream but I need to keep my composure right now. Mrs Chopra has been so concerned about me since she found out about the rape and I don't want her to become overly concerned right now when I'm probably just getting the flu.

"Hmm, I'm not convinced Leyla. Maybe we should get you an emergency doctors appointment?" Mrs Chopra says placing one hand over the other in her lap. I open my mouth to answer her just as my phone buzzes in my pocket. I fish it out and look at the caller ID. It's my doctors which surprises me. Maybe they have started to employ psychic nurses who call when they sense you are ill? I slide to the right and hold the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I answer holding my left hand up to excuse myself from the room. I slowly push myself off the sofa and cling to the sofa arm to keep my unstable balance.

"Is this Leyla Malik?" A female voice chirps down the phone adding to this buzzing in my head.

"Yes," I reply shuffling over to the lounge door, pulling it open and slipping into the hallway. I would usually just stand by the door but standing for too long makes my head feel like it is full of water.

"This is Dr Munroe," the female says as I shuffle over to the stairway and slump onto one of the steps with a small sigh.

"Oh hi," I say recognising the name as that of the doctor who I see at the GPs near Raj's safe house.

"We tried to contact you a couple of weeks ago but got no reply, it's about your repeat prescription," Dr Munroe says and I sit up a little straighter at this. My repeat prescription is the pill to prevent me from getting pregnant. After the whole Brody incident I got patchy with my tablets and soon started to get side effects from taking the pill every couple of days when I could be bothered to get out of bed or when I actually remembered. Dr Munroe told me to come off the pill for a month or two to let my body settle down and start taking it when I had had a full period. So that's exactly what I did and the side effects stopped. But why is she calling me right now about it?

"Oh, um, is everything okay?" I ask feeling a slight panic rising in my chest. I try to force my mind back trying my hardest to understand why my doctor is calling me about the pill.

"Leyla you haven't picked up your repeat prescription from last month which means you haven't been taking the pill for a month and a half," Dr Munroe explains and I feel my mouth hang open. Surely... Surely she's joking. My eyes crumple together as I comprehend exactly what she is telling me. I was so certain I had been to collect it or at the very least I got Anderson to pick it up. I was so certain I had been popping the tiny pill in my mouth every morning since my last period. I was so certain that was the reason I hadn't had my period in a few weeks... Or maybe even a month.

"Leyla?" Dr Munroe's voice brings me back to reality.

"Oh sorry can I collect it next month?" I try to sound chirpy but fail. I sound anxious, scared, confused. That's because I am anxious, scared, confused. I'm anxious at the fact I haven't had my period in a month. I'm scared because I've not been on the pill. I'm confused because surely I can't be...