Forever Broken // Carl Grimes

Chapter 34

I'll give you everything I have.
I'll teach you everything I know.
I promise I'll do better.
I will always hold you close,
But I will learn to let you go.
I promise I'll do better.
I will soften every edge,
I'll hold the world to its best,
And I'll do better.
With every heartbeat I have left
I will defend your every breath,
And I'll do better

Light - Sleeping At Last

~•~

She felt the trickle of images pass into her mind, an untapped cache of her former self. It was closer now than it was before, and she could almost touch it. She looked to her side, to the leader of the Saviors. His upturned lips burned her heart with hatred. She hated him, and she could feel it now. She could feel the pain he had inflicted onto her skin, but this time, it was her fuel, not her fear.

She saw fire, a burning town and her hands covered in blood. She could almost feel the wind whipping through her hair as she ran through the forest, the darkened silhouettes of her friends disappearing into the night. She remembered calling his name, she remembered the pain in her heart as she ran alone. She saw herself, fighting for her life and the life of the people she loved, until that final moment when she was dragged away. She saw the Survivors, lined up before a man she didn't know before, but she knew him now. She saw Negan. She remembered him toying with her, and she remembered him taking away someone she cared dearly about. She remembered Sam, a carefree heart.

She vowed then, that she would kill him. She would avenge everyone he had taken away, and she would avenge herself, and the part of her that died at his hands. She watched herself thrash as she called out for the person she loved most in the entire world. Her strength. Carl. She saw the pain in his eyes before the world went black, and she drifted away.

"We're back," Negan muttered, "Let's hope you find something this time. I don't want to have to kill someone else."

She ignored his words and bit her tongue. She had her crossbow held tight and stepped out of the van. She waited till he left before she turned around, dust blowing into the air. She felt her heart clench as she saw Carl waiting for her, not sure whether to come forward or not. She saw him smiling by her bedside when she fell ill, she saw him fighting next to her, she saw how much she loved him. He was always there to pick up the pieces each time she shattered, and she would never let him go.

She didn't even realise she was running, or that her eyes had welled with tears. She only wanted to feel him, to be close enough to him that she could feel his heart beating. She let her tears fall when his arms wrapped around her, one hand by her back and the other stroking her hair gently. She had knocked the hat from his head but nothing else mattered right then, just that she had him and he had her.

"I love you, Carl Grimes," She mumbeled into his shirt, "I could never forget you. I was so lost, but you found me. You always find me."

She felt him cave at her words, his heart drumming with pure happiness. He squeezed her tighter, lifting her body off the ground before he let her back down. She could feel his tears of joy on her hair. She dried his eyes with a smile so wide. She felt like she hadn't seen him in forever, and finally she could feel him in her heart. She could feel how much she loved him, an infinite desire that would remain until the world turned to dust around them.

"I knew he didn't take you from me," He said with a scratchy broken voice, "I knew that you were still in there. I'd never give up on you. I don't care how long it would take, I'd love you until you loved me too."