Christmas Love

Chapter One: Memories

Chapter 1: Memories

Leah

I was sitting on my suitcase trying to zip it up. You know, the classic 'Why won't this shut?' frantic dance on your bed? The one that everyone in movies does? Yeah, that one. I groaned as I pounded my fists into the top of the case as my phone rang. I rolled my eyes and pressed my phone to my ear after clicking 'answer.'

"Hello?" I answered as I continued to jump up and down on my suitcase.

"Leah, darling, how are you doing?" my mother asked me.

"I'm doing great, Mom. I'm packing right now, my flight leaves tomorrow afternoon!" I informed excitedly.

"I can't wait! I've missed you so much, angel," she informed. I heard my brothers shouting in the background, causing me to giggle.

"I've missed you too!" 

"Well, I'll leave you to your packing. Be safe, and I'll see you soon!" my mother exclaimed.

"Bye!" I giggled and put the phone down. I jumped back onto my suitcase and attempted to zip it up again. After a few falls I finally closed the damn thing. I went into the kitchen to get a soda as a reward for my achievement.

It got so lonely over here at the apartment all the time, and it wasn't the best for me since I always had a noisy house. I sighed and slumped down on the couch to watch TV.  Justin Bieber singing Beauty and A Beat. I rolled my eyes and muted the TV. Don't get me wrong, I like his music, just seeing him was annoying. Why?

So basically, Justin and I were best friends from maybe 2nd or 3rd grade up until the point where he became famous and forgot about me. I used to tell myself that he was just busy with all his stuff, and he would call later in the day. He never called, texted, visited, nothing. I never saw him after he left for Georgia. 

Sure, just him leaving broke my heart because he really was one of my only really good friends, but I also started doing things I never would've done if he was still here. Justin would tell me I was beautiful everyday. He was such a little flirt when he was little, and I bet he still is. No matter what, he would tell me I was beautiful, and it kind of stuck. Since he left, nobody told me I was beautiful anymore, and I didn't have my Justin to stand up for me since I'm such a wimp. Bullying started, everyone called me fat and ugly and that's when the cutting started. I've been cutting for almost 5 years now. 

No, just because I'm in college doesn't mean I don't get bullied anymore. Damn, it might be easier than high school but it doesn't just disappear. You know, but it shouldn't matter anymore. He forgot about me, and I need to forget about him as well. I don't want to forget him, because I don't like the whole concept of revenge. Just because someone hurt you, doesn't mean you have to hurt them back. That's stupid. After this many years, you would think I would be fine just moving on, but I'm a freak, I hold on too long.

Cutting helps me because it just releases all my feelings I guess. I don't even remember where I got the idea. I just thought it was brilliant to release pain and worry through hurting yourself. I mean, typical teenage thoughts, right? I glanced back over at the screen, he was dancing around the stage, occasionally holding some girls hands in the front row of the audience. A tear rolled down my cheek as I remembered Justin and I playing outside together.

"Leah! Look it over here!" eight year old Justin shouted as he ran over to a pond.

"There's fishies in it!" I exclaimed. Justin giggled and leaned over to touch one. Being the clumsy little kid that he is he fell right into the water. I gasped, but started laughing uncontrollably.

"The waters gross," Justin informed, gagging. I giggled and helped him out. As I pulled him I fell down and he fell on top of me.

"Justin you're all wet!" I shouted trying to get him off of me.

"You know you love me beautiful!" he shouted wrapping his arms around me. 

Before I knew it I was on the bathroom floor running a razor blade through my wrist in a straight line. I let the blood trickle out of my arm and take away the pain of knowing he was gone. See what I mean when I say I can't just forget someone. I don't like blaming Justin for being the one that made me start cutting, but in all honesty, he sort of was. Once he left, I was weaker and the bullies got to me easier, but I guess I could have controlled my emotions on my own without him.

I sighed and leaned my head against the edge of the tub. I stared down at my wrists, so ugly, and pain-filled. I watched the blood trickle down in a curve. I turned around, and flipped the tap on before running my arms under the water. The cold, sharp, brisk droplets hit my wrists like hail, and entered the scars, sealing them up quickly. I groaned as I hit the tap once more to shut it off, before standing up and grabbing a few tissues. 

I wiped down my wrists carefully, and then took another tissue into my grasp to wipe down the tears on my cheeks and lip. I plastered a smile onto my face and pulled my hair back into a ponytail before walking into my room.

I changed into my pajamas and crawled into bed. This Christmas better be amazing.