Christmas Love

Chapter Five: Beautiful

Chapter 5: Beautiful

Leah

We've been driving in silence for almost 2 hours now. All I could think about was how much pain I had kept bottled up inside of me all these years. I couldn't believe that all this anger inside of me was coming out now. The chance I have now to get Justin back, I was ruining for myself. I didn't want to lose him as a friend, but I didn't know if he was even my best friend anymore.

"Are you uh hungry?" Justin asked quietly, scratching the back of his neck. I didn't answer him, but I just kept staring out the window. Justin turned my attention back to the road and forgot he ever asked the question.

"Night, beautiful. I love you," Justin spoke quietly. I wasn't asleep yet, but he thought I was. I couldn't help but form a small smile on my face. Maybe I was a little too harsh? I guess we'll find out tomorrow. I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to fall asleep.

I was in a dark room all alone. There was a screen in front of me, suddenly a white light lit up the screen.

"You're so ugly."

"You aren't even skinny, go starve yourself."

"Nobody cares about you."

"We don't need you here, you can just die."

"You're a dumb bitch, you know that right?"

 "You're such a filthy, poor, ugly, whore. That's all you'll ever be."

"No one likes you. You're unwanted. You were just a mistake when you were born."

I felt a sharp pain in my head. Then it moved to my stomach. Traveling through my legs, neck, and finally my wrists.

Suddenly a pool of blood began to surround me. My pool of blood. My wrists were pouring out the thick red liquid. My face slowly began losing it's color, and turned a pale white. My body shrunk, so that all you could really see was skin and bones. My eyes cried one last tear before my body collapsed.

I woke up crying. Beads of sweat covered my forehead, and I was breathing hard. I looked around at my surroundings and found Justin looking at me very worried.

"Leah, are you okay?" Justin asked, concerned. I didn't answer. I wiped my tears and sweat and put my head back on the window.

I glanced over at the clock quickly. 2 am. Justin has been driving this entire time? I shook my head trying to forget the nightmare and leaned my head against the seat. I pressed my lips together firmly and sighed.

"Leah?" he whispered. I sat still in silence. No words wanted to escape my lips, I was too afraid. I haven't had that dream in 6 years. The day after Justin left I had that dream, and I never had it again, up until right now.

"Damn it Leah! All I want to know is if you're okay and you ignore me? Jesus, I understand you hate me but wanna save me some nerves and worry and just tell me what the hell is wrong?" he almost yelled. I rolled my eyes and kept my focus on the window.

"You weren't worrying when you left," I whispered. Justin groaned and punched the steering wheel. He stopped the car in the middle of the road and looked at me. I stared out in front at the empty road that we were literally right in the middle of.

"Leah I fucking messed up okay? I do care about you, I want to consider you my best friend. I love you," Justin exclaimed.

My entire body shook as he spoke those three words. Blood rushed through me ever so quickly and I bit the inside of my cheek.

"Hell, I've always loved you for crying out loud," Justin shouted. I finally turned my head over to face him and I cringed at the sound of his loud voice, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell," he mumbled softly.

"I'm sorry," I replied as I looked up into his eyes. Justin shook his head and took my hands into his.

"No, it's not your fault. Stop apologizing. That's not what I want," he murmured. "I want you to realize that I really have always loved you, Leah," he explained. I took a deep breath and nodded.

"I believe you, Justin," I stated, quietly. A small smile formed on his face and he started the car again.

He looked over at me every few minutes to make sure I was alright. I gave him a reassuring nod every now and then so we wouldn't have to yell again.

 A few minutes of silence passed and I looked over at Justin. I missed him so much. No matter how much pain he may of caused, I missed him. My best friend. I might've been acting bipolar at the moment but I was so glad that he was with me right now, back with me. I wasn't alone anymore and he was right there. He was going to be with me now and everything was going to be alright like it used to be.

"Justin?" I whispered so softly that I didn't even know if I really said anything.

"Yes beautiful?" he replied while glancing over at me.

 "I love you," I informed. His eyes brightened, and he looked over at me for a bit longer. He had a huge smile on his face.

"I love you too, Leah," he spoke with a wink. 

I was happy the fighting was over. It only started because I needed to get that anger out, but it's okay now. My phone started ringing. The embarrassing part? Justin's song Fall was my ringtone. He let out a chuckle.

"You love me a lot don't you?" he joked. I stuck my tongue out at him before answering the phone.

"Hello?" I spoke wearily into the phone.

"You're a bitch. Nobody ever cared about you, and nobody ever will. Nobody would even cry if you died, so go ahead."