Meet Me in the Grey (Reylo fanfiction) (COMPLETED)

Chapter 15: I Didn't Like You

A note from your humble author: There's going to be a lemon in this chapter. I spent the last 14 chapters putting these two through the wringer just to get them this far and now that I have them together there will be more lemons to make up for all the waiting MWAHAHAHAHA  

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He wasn't ready to speak with his family. He wasn't sure if he would ever be ready, though he knew it would be inevitable if he wished to remain with Rey. His body was still weak and he slept through most of his recovery due to all the powerful painkillers that made him drowsy, but whenever he opened his eyes, or had to take a meal, she was there. She never left his side. He didn't know if he really believed in balance. Maybe it had worked for her, maybe she was special; he doubted there would be any such peace for him. But in the end it didn't matter, he was used to the turmoil, to the never-ending miasma of darkness that always trailed him wherever he went. He was used to the guilt of his heinous crimes, to the blood on his hands. He was made to suffer, and anything that took that pain away, even if only for a moment, was worth more than precious gold to him, and she was that salvation. When he felt her through the bond, when she touched him, when she looked at him with her beautiful warm eyes, she could wash away all his pain.

He was a pretty poor conversationalist, now that he finally had her all to himself, but thankfully he could listen to her talk all day.

"I went to blaster practice while you were asleep," she said as she joined him for an evening meal.

"What do you need that for?" he asked, feeling blasters as being somewhat beneath a powerful force user.

"I like being good at lots of things. You never know when it'll come in handy. Apparently I'm a great shot if I rely on the force and a crappy one if I don't. I would like to be better without having to rely on the force."

"Why would you ever be without it?" he said referring to the force. Knowing it wasn't something you just forget at home.

"Well, what if someone drugged me? What if I were in binders?"

He couldn't argue with her on that one. He also couldn't argue with her making herself proficient in any means to further protect herself. He had a bad feeling that in time she would need it. The Knights of Ren would not simply give up. They would keep hunting for her...for them, and he knew Snoke had a penchant for vengeance.

"That reminds me," she said as she reached into a shoulder bag that was sitting by her feet. "Here. I got it back for you."

He was shocked when she handed him his light saber. He hadn't really thought about it at all since waking up on Takodana.

"How?"

"That big Knight of Ren, the leader now, I guess, he had it. I think he took it after Dantooin. I didn't want him to have it. It wasn't his. I don't care if it is red; he had no right to take something that was a part of you. I...I got so angry in that moment; I ended up being consumed by darkness. I've felt terrible about it ever since."

He turned the hilt over in his hands. "Aldo Ren, he was the leader of the Knights of Ren before I defeated him in single-handed combat and became the Master of the Knights of Ren. I thought you said you were Grey, why should you fear the darkness?"

She could sense his doubt over the bond again, and she wished he trusted her more. "Just because I'm Grey doesn't mean I can't still fall. There are ways to tread the path between light and dark, but anger and hatred are still dangerous for me. It's something I personally will have to overcome. I murdered the doctor who tortured you. I murdered that tall Knight of Ren, and when Aldo Ren refused to give me your saber, I tore his arm out at the shoulder." She did not know how to explain to him that without a love of equal power to her hatred, she had nothing to counteract the darkness with. She still wasn't certain how she felt about the man who had once been Kylo Ren. She knew she liked him now that they had shared something powerful, something beautiful together on Dantooin. Their connection through the bond brought them closer than she had probably ever been with anyone in her life, but old habits die hard, and she could not forget that when she was only a scavenger on Jakku, that it had never been truly safe to fully trust or depend on anyone else but herself. As desperately lonely as she often felt, she believed that at least if she were alone, no one could hurt her. She couldn't help but feel drawn to him, to his powerful gaze, and his strong will, even to his bad temper, but deep down she still feared that if she let him too close, he could hurt her, and she wasn't sure if she was ready yet.