I have everything, except you - Thomas Brodie Sangster fic

24. Falling apart

I planned on feeding Harley before I went to school, but that plan was out the door when I woke up late. I quickly tugged on my uniform, ate two pop tarts and grabbed my makeup bag so I could make myself look presentable when I got to school.

It was after an impossibly long history period that things started to fall apart. Arriving at my usual lunch table I could tell things had finally snapped between us three, and I noticed how the boys could tell something was up and so they all sat far away from Patricia and Stephanie's table where they were waiting for me. Like sharks waiting to attack. I was definitely intimidated.

"So, Milly," Stephanie started as soon as my butt touched the seat. "Have a good sleep last night?" She asked in a slightly hysteric tone, like she was trying to keep herself from screaming at me. "Uh, not really, my sleep was-" but she interrupted me.

"Or were you too busy kissing my boyfriend?!" A few people turned around and stared at us from different tables, I wanted to die.

"Steph, it was spin the bottle.. I-"

"You what? Thought you could just swoop in and make him fall in love with you, just like Thomas?"

Patricia seemed torn. I could tell she believed it was a harmless kiss, but how could she betray Steph? I narrowed my eyes, looking between them both.

"Deep down this isn't about that and you know it," I said suspiciously. They glanced at each other and Stephanie raised her eyebrows at Patricia.

"Um, well, Milly. Steph and I think you've completely like, changed and stuff. I mean, you just sit and basically pretty much ignore us now! Like who do you think you are? I can't explain but we feel like we've lost you a bit, and, like, ever since you started hanging out with Thomas and the rest of those weirdos you've started acting just like them!" She stopped, slightly out of breath.

"He's been a better friend to me in two months then you guys have been to me in five years, have fun living out your petty, miserable lives with your stupid, bitchy arguments and high standards," I got up, grabbing my tray.

"Oh and Steph," I pronounced her nickname in a mocking tone, "Maybe when you get your head out of your ass you'll be able to smell how bad your opinions reek," I added, walking off, stopping to ditch the still-full tray.

I stumbled out of the building, desperate to get out into air I could breathe in and cry.

I sat under a tree in the courtyard and lay my head in my hands, covering my eyes that had started streaming.

I knew they weren't worth my friendship or my time and all that, but we'd been together so long, I had to face that I was finally rid of their negativity, but also of their comfort and safety.

As I sat in the gentle breeze, I heard footsteps coming toward me across the grass, and I looked up just enough to recognize Ryan's Nike trainers crunching their way to where I was sitting.

He stopped right above me, his hands in his pockets, his eyes on the ground.

"Are you alright?" He asked simply, raking a hand through his fluffy blonde hair.

"Of course, I just lost my two best friends and got humiliated in front of an entire cafeteria of people, I'm doing swell thanks," I sniffed. He sat down cross-legged in front of me, picking up my hands.

"Sorry, that was a dumb shit thing to say. But I'm kind of in shock too, y'know? It's always been you three, and our whole gang. We've all always hung out together and stuff, and now that's obviously going to change. I fully support your decisions, Mill. I luh ya!" He brought me in for a massive bear hug, squishing me until I was laughing through my tears. When we pulled back eventually, he leaned in, but I placed my hand on his chin and kissed his cheek instead.

"Look Ryan. I really like Thomas. And so now whenever you go to kiss me or be romantic with me, it just isn't like it was before. I'm sorry. I loved what we had, but it just doesn't feel right anymore, you get me?" 

He smiled a half smile and nodded, standing and brushing the grass off his pants.

"Ryan, wait. Don't be like that-" I reached up and grabbed his hand, tethering him to me.

"Milly. I need to think over some things. It'll be ok." His voice was flat and he dropped my hand, turning and walking back into school.

Did I just lose another of my oldest friends in the space of ten minutes? I touched the slim gold chain that hung around my neck. At least I still had the boy who I could now see I was in love with. This fact gave me a glimmer of hope that it would be ok.