It all started with Freshers.....

Part five - Rachel

A week later Rachel and I were sat at coffee as was our weekly ritual. We met up once a week to discuss life and talk about whatever had happened in the past week.

"How was Belfast?" Rachel asked with a grin. "Did you have a nice time with Stephen?" Her smile was genuine but a little concerned. I hadn't mentioned Belfast since I'd been and I knew she was trying to find out why.

"Yeh it was great. On the Wednesday we went to this club called Atmosphere. The music was good, the drinks good, the company was second to none. Then on the Thursday we went to a wee student pub, it was packed like. They do two for one shots or something along those lines. That night is sort of blurry. We played dares...."

Rachel interrupted me with ease. "And you kissed Stephen. I already know. You're skating over things. You ain't been on snapchat much recently have you?"

"No. F*ck. Why?"

"Yous were videoed kissing at the table and again in the smoking area. Yous were really badly caught out!" It wasn't like Rachel to pull me up on something. She usually reserved all judgement. She was trying to make me see something.

"Who put that up?" I asked with a sharpness to my voice. A tone which indicated I wasn't to be messed with now.

"Rebecca," she replied calmly. I realised I was getting irritated at the wrong person. It wasn't her that had done something wrong.

"Okay. Sorry. I just didn't realise we'd been videoed is all. Sorry for speaking to you like that," I said softly.

Rachel shook her head. "You're fine doll. Don't worry."

"Aw Rach, I screwed up big time with Stephen.... I hate myself."

"Why? It was just a couple of kisses," she said as she frowned. "Only reason I bring it up is because you didn't tell me and I thought I'd wind you up about it."

I shook my head. "See thing is it wasn't just kisses..." I groped for the words to explain what had happened between us without being crude or making myself sound like a slut.

"What did yous do?" She asked lowering her voice, "How far did yous go?"

"I lost my virginity to him," I told her, my cheeks turning red with embarrassment at having to admit to sleeping with Stephen to a friend of both of ours.

"Right, have you spoken to him since?"

"Not very much," I admitted. "I've kind of, sort of, been avoiding him. Just texting him after he calls saying I'm busy or I'm out somewhere. I've been making excuses. Aww I'm a dick ain't I?"

"Yeh you are." Rachel closed her eyes in frustration. She wanted me to call him no doubt.

I sighed. Rachel was going to start to talk sense into me. A wave of anger washed over me. What did she know? She'd never even kissed a guy! What gave her the right to sit there with that patronising look on her face and tell me what I should do next?

"Don't judge me. I just feel weird around him!"

"I know babes. It's just you need to clear the air cause Stephen was telling me you haven't been in touch much this last week. He's scared he's done something to offend you. If you carry on this way you're gonna lose your friend!"

I gulped knowing she spoke the truth but I was silently furious that she was telling me off like this.

"Did Stephen tell you we had sex? You didn't seem all that surprised." I looked into Rachel's steely grey eyes. She held my gaze without hesitation. Her browny blonde hair was swung into a neat ponytail and she didn't say anything for a second. I couldn't help but see the open honesty in her face and for a second I resented it.

"Yeh, I knew. I thought something like this might eventually happen. It's so plain you both adore each other," Rachel said with a no nonsense sort of tone. She didn't want me to argue with her, that much was plain.

I rolled my blue eyes. This again. Everyone harped on at us but I always insisted Stephen and I's friendship was purely platonic. We were friends, nothing more and nothing less. That night had been a mistake. One I was not going to replicate.

"Ciara, you need to talk to Stephen," she said with a firm look in her eyes. I knew she was irritatingly right. Rachel was often right. I just chose to ignore her sometimes when her advice didn't correlate with that I would prefer to do.

I nodded reluctantly. "Though what do I say? The next morning he was kissing my neck, carrying my bag, kissing my cheek goodbye. Rach, if he wants us to have a proper relationship, I'm buggered because I don't like him that way."

Rachel smiled with a hint of something patronising. "Ciara, maybe before you talk to him, you need to reassess your friendship with Stephen. You're crazy about him. You talk on the phone almost every day. He drops everything to be there for you. He buys you drinks. He puts real thought into your birthday presents. He makes plans with you. He grins when he says your name. He's always looking for an excuse to put his arm around you. He's always c*ck blocking you, so to speak. Then there's the things you do. You smile when you talk to him on the phone. I've seen you drop a good looking boy on a night out just because you've just seen Stephen and you just have to talk to him. You giggle at all of Stephens jokes even when they're not funny. You let him cuddle round you. You treat him like a boyfriend squeezing his hand before you leave a room. You don't take sh*t from him. God yous are crazy about each other because this list is literally off the top of my head and I could add more to it if I sat and thought about it."

Rachel sighed and shook her head affectionately. "Why aren't yous together? Yous would be good together."

"You're looking for the things you want to see because you want us to be together!" I argued weakly.

Rachel shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I'm calling it like I see it."

I scoffed. I hated cryptic conversation and she knew it.

"I'm not being rude but I just need to process this in my own way," I told Rachel. She'd hit a nerve with me and I could tell by her slight smirk she knew she'd hit it, maybe even planned to strike a chord with me. At this rate there were few things that could surprise me.

Rachel nodded. "Maybe I'm pushing you a bit hard. It's just I'm scared fear is going to make you miss out on what is potentially the best thing that could happen to you."

"Potentially. It could also end in heartbreak, tears and more drama that's it's worth. Sorry bubs but that's how I feel."

I watched as Rachel's eyes softened. "It's okay to let someone in every now and then, people will always surprise you so let people be people and you concentrate on being Ciara!"

I smiled and we sat back.

"Oh Cora did the cutest thing the other day!" I said with a giggle, trying to change the conversation.

"What did she do?"

"She called me Mammy then looked at her Mammy like she knew what she was doing and stuck her tongue out at Cathleen."

Rachel laughed. "Ejits!"

"No other crack with you?" I asked. "How's work?"

"Work's good. There's a new girl started so I'm not the baby anymore. I'm so glad of it, makes my life a bit easier cause at least they're not calling me things like bubba and baby anymore."

I chuckled. "They mean well!"

She nodded. "That's true. Awk it's nice in a way they're so lovely and treat everyone like that when they start. It makes you feel a part of it."

We nattered got another hour then I headed home. I stuck into a little coursework and then made a dinner.