It all started with Freshers.....

Part Twenty Two - Welcome Home

When Esme was ten weeks old we finally got to take her home from the hospital. As I walked out of the hospital carrying my precious bubby, my piece of heaven on earth I felt like a weight has finally been lifted off my shoulders. One glance at Stephen who was walking along next to me told me he felt the same.

We strapped her into her car seat and I smiled. For the first time in ten weeks I could breathe. This is what should have happened in the first place. She never should have had to spend ten weeks in hospital. As bitter as I felt about the experience I couldn't help but see the positive that came out if it... I'd learnt to count my blessings. At the top of that list was Esme... She was my baby. Always would be. She was everything to me and it took the thought that I might never get to know her to make me appreciate fully how lucky I was to have her. A tie for first place was Stephen. That damn boy who I happened to love more than the world. It took us falling apart to fall back together. He was the best thing I'd ever had. He took care of me because he loved me. After him came my friends especially Rachel and Cathleen, they'd been there for me at a time when I'd struggled to be there for myself.

Yes, the experience was not ideal but somehow I learned from it. I learned it's okay to break apart but it's even more okay to put yourself back together. That's how you become stronger.

Stephen pulled into the drive and we stepped into our house. I had been craving the peace but what I got was better. Inside was our families and closet friends. Tears streamed down my face as I watched everyone else grinning with excitement at seeing my baby home.

"Aww look at my gorgeous goddaughter," murmured Rachel as she cooed over Esme. Her voice took on a rare warm, gentle quality. Her grey eyes softened as she stared at my daughter. Carefully I passed my baby to Rachel knowing deep in my heart she wasps  safe in the arms of my best friend as she was in mine.

"Yeh look at her. She's a big girl now," I breathed. In my mind I could see the fragile baby she was when she'd been born. Now when I looked at Esme I couldn't help but notice the healthy shine in her bright blue eyes. The warm pink undertone to her skin. Her hair was fluffy and I hoped it would be curly like mine.

At the sound of my voice Esme turned her head slightly in my direction and smiled a beautiful big, toothless smile at me. It melted my heart. I never imagined I could love someone so much. I stroked her cheek as soft as only a baby's skin can be and wondered how I got so goddamn lucky. She was home. She was a beautiful soul, the best bits of Stephen and I. She always smiled. Her eyes glittered now. I could only hope she would always have the best bits of us. That she'd be patient like Stephen and curious like me. That she'd be loving like Stephen and caring like me. That she'd have my passion even in anger and Stephen's unwavering loyalty. I couldn't help but laugh at myself I even hoped she'd pout when she was angry and clench her fist like Stephen. I wanted her to be like him. Then she'd be imperfectly perfect like him.

It's so odd how we pour all our hopes into these little tiny people. These little tiny people who are part of us. It's odd how we want what's best for them but we love them so unconditionally that seeing them happy is enough for us.

The buzzing room suddenly fell silent. Music started playing. A song which always broke my heart because it reminded me of my father.

"...begged you to want me but you didn't want to..."

Kelly's Clarkson's Piece by Piece played from the iPod and dock. I was shocked by it. It wasn't a song for a welcome home party.

I turned around to place the dock. I was going to turn it off but instead I saw Stephen getting down onto one knee. My heart stopped for a brief second. In his hand he held a silver grey velvet ring box.

"But piece by piece he collected me,
Up off the ground where you abandoned things,
Piece by piece he filled the holes that you burned in me at six years old..."

That part reminded me of Stephen. He'd picked up the pieces of me who failed to trust men and held them in the palms of his hands and carefully put them back together with so much tenderness and patience that I hadn't realised he was doing it.

"Ciara... I love you. I have loved you from the moment I first laid my eyes on you. You with your wild laugh, you with your dimpled smile, you with your kind eyes and beautiful soul. I love every little piece of you and I'm privileged that you love me too. We've had our ups and downs and our relationship hasn't been the thing of fairy tales or the romantic comedy's that you love so much but in our own weird way, it's brilliantly epic because it's ours. I promise to love you til the day I die and if there's a life after that I'll love you then, be that life death or reincarnation. I never want to spend a day without you... I want to take care of you, love you and our daughter and any other children that we have for the rest of my life..." Stephen trailed off and opened the box. Tears were rolling hot and fast down my face. I wiped them clumsily with my fingers as I fought for my completely lost composure.

"Piece by piece I fell far from the tree
I will never leave her like you left me
And she will never have to wonder her worth
Because unlike you I'm going to put her first and you know
He'll never walk away,
He'll never break her heart
He'll take care of things, he'll love her
Piece by piece, he restored my faith
That a man can be kind and the Father should be great..."

"Ciara will you do me the honour of marrying me?" Stephen murmured. His dark eyes met my blue eyes, perfect contrasts.

"Yes!" I said as I knelt down in front of him.

"Really?" He asked as though he were shocked.

"Yes!" I repeated. "Yes. Yes you fool you, I love you too. And for the record that was perfect. Every detail down to the song, the timing of your words against the song everything. You did do that for me. You taught me a man can be kind and a Father should be great cause you're the best Dad in the whole world and Esme and I are so lucky to have you."

He rested his forehead against mine and opened his lips parted as though he were about to say something else. Something else that was romantic no doubt but I didn't want to hear it. There was only one thing in this world that I wanted to do. I pressed my finger to his lips.

"Shut up and kiss me," I murmured.

"Now that, that would be my pleasure."

His lips met mine in an electrifying kiss. Warmth spread right down to the tips of my fingers and my toes. There was nowhere I'd rather be. I was surrounded by friends and family and my daughter with the man I would soon marry and that was enough. It was more than enough.