It all started with Freshers.....

Part seven - Telling Stephen

The next day I dressed carefully, choosing a pair of artfully ripped jeans and a red and black checked shirt with a white vest top in below. I pulled on a pair of black ankle boots with a low block heel and tied my hair up in a high ponytail. I put a white flower clip in my hair and applied my makeup. Stephen knew I always had my makeup done so he shouldn't assume this to mean more than it was.

On the drive over I started panicking. What if he took this badly? I mean I wasn't exactly taking it well but fuck what way would he take it? I had to stop three times on the way there, trying to convince myself I was doing the right thing. I knew I had to tell him but I was bricking it. No one could approach a situation like this with collected calm, if they did they were either naively stupid or just genuinely didn't care what people thought of them. I really wished I was someone who didn't care what people thought but I did care.... I hated that about myself.

I stopped at his house and took one last deep breath. Stephen was waiting for me, I could see him sitting in the chair by the window. He did that to keep an eye out for us when we were supposed to be coming up.

I headed up the path to his house as I had done so many times over the last seven years and knocked the door. His Mammy opened. Vera was a beautiful lady. About five foot five she had a motherly air around her. She had short black hair and beautiful brown eyes. The same eyes as Stephen. Hers were framed by long thick eyelashes. She had a warm, slightly tanned complexion. She was a curvy lady and she was beautiful.

"There's a sight for sore eyes. You're such a stranger this last while. I missed you, wee pet!" She said with a smile before enveloping me in a hug. I was a few inches shorter so I felt slightly protected by her.

Stephen bounded into the hall and grinned when he saw me hooked in his Mammy's arms.

"Ready to go?" He asked.

"I haven't finished catching up with Ciara yet," Vera said with a touch of fake irritation. She was just teasing but wasn't about to drop it.

"Aw you'll see her when we get back," Stephen retorted with a laugh.

I laughed at their exchange. I felt at home here already. I felt more at home here than I did at my own house sometimes.

"Knowing yous two yous won't be back til late then she'll be racing home." Vera pouted.

"Mammy I've a table booked for dinner," Stephen explained.

Vera nodded then looked at me with big puppy dog eyes. "You'll stop to see me on your way home, won't you?"

"Course I will," I agreed. If Stephen and I didn't kill each other before then.

Stephen picked up his car keys and gestured for me to lead the way. I did. I walked out to his car. It was similar to mines, a wee Clio and he unlocked it.

Our drive to the restaurant was quite quiet but I was anxious. He seemed to pick up on it and made cheerful chit chat.

It wasn't until dessert that he coerced me into opening up to him.

"Right, tell me what's going on," he said as we stuck our forks into the chocolate cake to share.

I took a forkful of the chocolate cake and tried to remember the speech I'd prepared for him. I bit my lip searching for words. The chocolate cake tasted wrong. Too bitter and heavy. It tasted off as I ate.

"Stephen remember the Thursday night in Belfast?" I began carefully.

Stephen nodded. "That's the night you and I...." He trailed off, gesturing with his hand awkwardly.

I nodded. "Yeh that night."

He interrupted me. "I haven't really seen you since. You've been avoiding me." His tone was lightly accusing. I could tell my dodging his calls and making up excuses had bothered him even though he hated to admit it.

"Yeh I'm sorry, I just felt awkward," I confessed.

"Same here. I thought it meant you liked me even a little bit as much as I like you." Stephens eyes were wide. This wasn't the reason I'd come here but now he had said it out loud, the words were heavy in the air. They lingered uncomfortably in the silence between us. 

"Stephen..." I broke off. "I have something to tell you."

His face turned chalky white. He knew what was coming.

"I'm pregnant."

"And I'm the Dad," he finished for me.

For a long minute he said nothing. He gulped as he digested the news. His hand went immediately to his jaw where he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. I bit my lip and waited on him to say something, anything. I didn't care what he said so long as it was words. They didn't even need to be nice words, just words would do. I shifted my weight uncomfortably on the chair. I felt oddly detached from the situation. Like I wasn't even there at all.

"When did you find out?" He asked.

"Yesterday."

He nodded. "Okay what do you need? Where do we stand?"

"Stephen, I'm not asking you for anything. If you don't want to be involved I won't make you be, it's not something I planned for obviously. You're not obliged to me in any way, we're not even going out or anything." I was trying to keep pressure off him. I could only imagine how he was feeling. I knew the weight of my new responsibility was weighing heavily on me.

Stephen reached across the table and took my hand. He squeezed it lightly. "I know you're not asking me for anything. Did you ever think I just want to be there for you?"

I shook my head.

"Ciara I want to be there for you. That's our baby. Yes it wasn't planned for but we'll make it work somehow." He smiled gently at me, his eyes creased in the corners with the sincerity of his words. He really was okay with this.

"Thank you."

We lapsed into silence.

"Ciara, can I ask you something?"

I looked up through my eyelashes at Stephen. He was leant forward to speak lowly and with subtly. In reply I nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me you were a virgin?" He murmured. "Because if I'd had known I'd have stopped. Your first time should have been so much better than that."

I flushed with colour. "At the expense of the shreds of my reputation, I don't remember everything about it. Just bits and pieces. I might be able to make my peace with it."

Stephen exhaled sharply as if trying to explain something to me and I wasn't understanding him properly. "Ciara, I always thought if we were ever to have sex we'd be together and it would actually be somewhere nice. Not some shit hotel room, completely drunk."

"You thought about that stuff. Stephen we weren't even dating," I said softly. It was sweet he'd even thought that far ahead.

"I've been trying to pull you for years. When I kissed you in Belfast I thought I'd finally done it. Then the hotel, God Ciara, I've never had that kind of night with a girl. It was nothing short of amazing. Then the next morning you ran. I thought I'd screwed up big time."

"I thought I'd screwed up big time," I admitted. I felt vulnerable.

"I thought you weren't interested in me."

"I didn't want to lose my best friend."

Stephen leant in and kissed me. He stunned me into silence. I sank into it. I actually realised then it hadn't been the alcohol that had made it good looking. Even though my drunk eyes were heavy, blurry and bleary, I actually saw clearer through them than without the alcohol.

When he pulled away I felt conflicted. Was I making myself like him just to make things simple? No that couldn't be it. Everyone had already seen what I clearly couldn't see. How could I have been so blind?

"Ciara, I really like you. Want to go on a date see how we go?"

"Yeh, let's give it a go."