This I Love

Nobody's Fault But Mine

Today was super sunny and warm, I was outside with Hannah and Theo. We were out on the beach, and Hannah and I found amusement in Theo being afraid of the ocean, but wanting to go in the water at the same time. He would run up to the shore line, and when it came in, he would shriek and run away. 

We settled on building a sand castle instead. Hannah was super sweet around kids, she always had a kind and calm aura to her. And everything she did was so graceful and carefree; no wonder Izzy liked this girl.

"Hey, I think someone's here for you." Hannah said, grinning, nodding in the direction behind me

"Huh?" I looked out behind me and saw Duff walking up to us, he gave us a smile and waved

"Hey guys." Duff smiled

"Hey Duff." Hannah said

"What are you doin'?" He asked, crouching down next to us

"Well, I thought Theo would like to see the beach for the first time." I said

"How does he like the water?" Duff asked with a grin

"He likes it, but he doesn't like it." I giggled, making him chuckle

Theo looked over, he hadn't noticed that Duff had come over. "Dadda!" Theo screeched and lunged at him

Duff laughed and hugged Theo tightly, lifting him up and shaking him playfully

"Hey big guy, whats up?" Duff asked

"I'm making sandcastles!" Theo shouted and eagerly showed Duff what he had built

"Wow bud, that looks great!" Duff grinned, ruffling Theo's wild blonde locks

"What are you doing, Daddy?" Theo asked, gazing up at Duff

"Well, Theo," Duff started, grinning

"I'm here for your mommy." 

"You're gonna take Mommy?" Theo asked sadly and threw his arms around me

"Not forever, silly. Just for a few hours." Duff smiled, making me smile

"Oh, okay!" Theo perked up

"But Duff-" 

"Tay, it's okay. I can watch Theo. You go, I think it'll be nice for you and Duff." Hannah whispered

"You are the greatest person ever." I said with a smile

"Theo, I'll be back, okay? Aunt Hannah is going to watch you." I said 

"Okay Mommy." Theo said, playing with the sand

I stood up and brushed all of the sand off of my shorts and tucked my hair behind my ears. I gazed up at Duff and a smile crept onto my face.

"So where are we going so suddenly?" I asked

"Out, to a place." Duff laughed

"Very specific." I said sarcastically

Where we were headed must not have been that far since we were walking. We were on the Strip, and Duff took me to my favorite bar. He stood in front of the building and held the door open.

I grinned up at the structure, "I haven't been here for two years." 

"I know. Thought you might miss it." Duff winked

I laughed softly and headed through the door, and Duff and I placed ourselves at the bar. The place still looked the same, which made me happy that not much had changed. The old pictures still hung on the walls, and the tables and chairs all looked the same as when I left. Duff ordered us drinks, except Duff ordered a soda instead of alcohol. 

"You don't drink anymore?" I asked

"Well, I do-I did. But I was trying to stop since it almost killed me. My pancreas like exploded, so that made me realize that I have to fuckin sober up. Plus, you're here, and I know how bad you wanted me to stop." Duff explained

"I'm so glad, and really proud of you, Duff." I said softly  and smiled up at him

Duff grinned back at me, "Thanks Tay."

God I missed that smile, and calm voice.

I took a sip from my beer, "So, why do you always hang around Slash now?" 

"What do you mean? I've always hung around Slash." I answered

"Well its just, you've been a lot closer lately. Like, Steven close."

"I didn't have anyone to talk to. Steven was in rehab, and I didn't want to disturb him, because he needed it.  And Slash has always been a close friend, I mean, you should know, he's your best friend too."

"I know he is, but I don't want to ask why you guys are always together because he gets annoyed." Duff answered

"I just felt like you were ignoring me." Duff added

"I wasn't, well, maybe I was. I was scared, and I like being with Slash because he helps calm me down. But if you think anything is going on between us, nothing is. I shouldn't really have to justify this to you, but Slash will always be one of my best friends." I said

"I know-I know, I'm sorry for asking." Duff said, shaking his head, his blonde waves swaying

"But do you love him?"" Duff asked quietly

"Of course. I love all of you guys." I said

"Even you - but in a different way."

Duff's smile made its way back to his lips, making me smile.

"I missed this." Duff said happily

"Me too." I sighed

"What did you do for the past two years? Where did you go? I was so worried that I would never see you again." Duff asked quietly

"I went to New York, I lived with Caroline. And I couldn't stay away, I think I would fall apart. I just felt awful all the time. I felt like I should've done something sooner, and made sure you really were okay. I felt like it was all my fault, and I just couldn't keep your son away from you." I murmured

"It wasn't your fault." Duff said

"I'm to blame, all me. I didn't listen." 

"But now that I have you again, and you're here, I'm not gonna let you go away that easy." Duff winked

I giggled, "Good, you have cleaned up your act."

"I sort of have. Still a naughty boy." Duff smirked, I laughed and slapped the side of his arm playfully, earning a laugh from him

Duff grinned at me. It made me realize how much I really did have feelings for this guy. I always would, I don't think I'd ever be able to forget about him, no matter how hard I try. I missed everything, even the little things. Like how Duff would always carry a pack of cigarettes and a lighter in his coat pocket, and the way he would push his sunglasses on the top of his head, taming back his wild waves, and even the way he would look out at things. I loved those green eyes, those kind, green eyes. No matter how "badass" of a guy he was seen as, he still had a heart of gold and cared so much about everyone and everything.

He was always so calming to be around, he wasn't intimidating like Axl was, or quietly eerie like Izzy. He was just Duff, and he was always a joy to be around. Always cracking jokes, always talking to fans, always making people smile.

And I could already see those qualities evolving into Theo. He was becoming more and more like Duff everyday. He's sweet, and thoughtful like Duff, and they share very similar features. Although Izzy said that Theo has my nose and smile, while he shares the same eyes and facial structure as Duff; even the fluffy blonde hair.

And to be completely honest, I did like Gilby, only for a very short amount of time though. Once I figured out that Duff was the one, and always will be, I knew that I couldn't lead Gilby on like that, since I knew he liked me.

It finally felt like the world was back on my side again, as things started to look up; and I couldn't contain my happiness, since the rest of the time I was out with Duff later that night, I couldn't stop smiling.