Blind Insanity

2 - Chapter Two - 2

2 – Chapter Two – 2

Being electrocuted was very painful.  They didn’t pump up the electricity to kill me, but they had it pumped up enough to where I passed out every single time that they did do this to me.  I don’t really recall what they do to me after I pass out.  But when I wake up, I usually end up back in the room that they had dragged me from. 

I don’t think the doctors realize what electro shock does to the body of a person.  Or maybe they just didn’t care.  They themselves didn’t have to go through it.  Whenever I was done with the shock therapy was when they didn’t bother me for the longest time.  So they probably did know what a lot of electricity running through the body did.  Every time that I did wake up back in that room it was just a reminder of what I had been through.

‘Catch me when I fall and I’ll trust you forever.’

I laid there in my cot, my hair a tangled mess around my face.  My fingers were twitching; in fact my entire body was still twitching after the incident.  The nerve cells in my body still sending electrical impulses on their own.  I wouldn’t be able to get up on my feet for awhile because I had been so drained by what they had done.  My eyes flickered over toward the door when I heard footsteps walking by making my body tense and twitch even more.

And the pain…  Yes I felt the pain even now, with every twitch I wanted to scream out.  I knew that if I did, the doctors would come in and do something else to me.  I didn’t want to draw in their attention even more than I had to.  I didn’t want the doctors or the nurses anywhere near me.

‘Will you fall and let us catch you?’

In the normal world we have mental illness, but either way we are always classified the same.  Insane.

The doctors don’t sugar coat it here, they would look at us and immediately classify insanity the moment the client walks through the door.  They don’t say that we are just sick or anything like that.  They say that we are flat out crazy.   That way they get more money out of it and they can continue with their treatments once they do classify someone.  I don’t know where they got the money from, but they were getting it somehow to keep fueling this place on.  I did know that they couldn’t be getting it from their patients here where people that had been dropped off so no one would have to deal with us ever again.

We were patients that no one wanted.  I know that not only myself, but everyone here were people that had been abandoned by family.  It was sad really, there had not been a single visitor to come and visit a patient in a very long time.  I think the last time that someone did come and visit a relative here in the hospital was when I was about nine and they had never returned again.  At that age, I had always thought, I had always hoped, that my parents would at least come and see me.

But of course they never did.  It broke that nine year-olds dream and my hopes of ever getting out of this place.

‘Watch me, watch as we push you over and make you fall.’

I opened my eyes slowly, seeing the same white ceiling that I’ve woken up to for every morning every day since when they took me.  The ceiling that I knew by heart now because I would just lay in this pathetic excuse for a cot and just stare up at it.  There was a crack in the corner of the room where the constant dripping continued.  It must have been from the plumbing of some sorts because it didn’t have to rain to hear that maddening dripping.

The florescent lights hummed above my head, covered in some kind of wires to make sure that the patients couldn’t reach up and touch them.  Outside I could hear the moans and groans of patients walking around aimlessly, while the doctors and nurses walked back and forth as if they were pretending to do something important.