Blind Insanity

11 - Chapter Eleven - 11

11 - Chapter Eleven - 11

I wish that I could feel the sun...

'We want to see the stars.'

I wish that I could feel the rain...

'We want to feel the coolness of a day.'

I wish I could taste the fresh air...

'We want to run through a forest and hide forever.'

I wish for so many things that will never come true again.

'Where had our happiness gone?'

None of that was going to happen though.  I reminded myself with a sigh.  I would be stuck here for the rest of my life where I would die and be put in an unmarked grave.  That was how my life was going to be planned out.  There was no family that would come searching for me and there was no one that really cared about me.  All that I did have were the voices, the only things that had always been there when no one else had been.

I stood on my tiptoes and I tried to peer over the high window.  It was another cloudy day, but not storming or raining.  The clouds were blowing pretty quickly high in the sky.  I could see the occasional bird that flew high above, higher into the air without something holding them down.  It looked like the birds didn't care about anything below them.  They just continued to keep flying, soaring, through the skies without anything to hold them back.  Maybe I could be like a bird and be able to fly out of this place, and leave it behind me.  But if I could fly, I would have a long time ago and I don't have wings to lift me up into the air.

'Let's fly through the forest letting the leaves tickle our noses.'

The doctors hadn't come to bother me since yesterday.  Dr. Stanza hadn't even come back which I was truly grateful for.  Although, the medical doctor had come to check on me last night.  He wanted to see if I still had my cough, which I did.  He told me that he thought that it was just a cold, but he would continue to come and check on me to make sure that it didn't' get worse.

I liked him.  He didn't think of me as an insane person like every doctor and every nurse in this place.  He just considered me a patient and I had even finally learned his name.  The good doctors name was Dr. Hermond.  He got tired of me just calling him doctor whenever I saw him.  He insisted that I use Hermond instead of just saying doctor repeatedly.  He told me with a smile that I sounded like a broken record that repeated the same word over and over again.

He was one of the few doctors that I was going to make sure I remembered his name.

'What is it like to fly through the air and into nothing?'

There was this almost desperation to look outside today, to see the whole view.  I didn't want to go to the rec room where I knew the nurses would be standing on guard.  So today I decided that I was going to try once again to use the small little desk to look better outside.  My left foot was on the ground while my right foot was trying to get a better footing on the little desk.  My fingertips were using the ledge of the window and I was starting to carefully edge my way up. 

Almost there, I thought as my left foot left the ground and I continued to push myself up.  When I got up further, I was able to put my hands on the ledge much better than what I had been ever able to get and with just another inch, I was able to look out the window.  If a nurse or a doctor came in here and saw what I was doing, they would be screaming to get the two burly men, more than likely thinking that I was trying to escape.  I knew better than anyone that there was no escape.  If I did somehow find my way out, who would take care of a girl that heard voices anyways?  They would just send me to another institution and then this institution would find me again.