anonymous - tracob

1.5

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running a hand through his black hair, he through back the shot glass letting the liquid burn his throat. he had found him succumbed to multiple shots, trying to escape the guilt he felt for nearly fucking his sister's boyfriend. he knew it was a bad idea going over to troye's place–yet he couldn't resist the desire for the younger man–he couldn't resist the urge to break all the rules he made for himself.

the bartender never asked him questions, she just poured him his shots avoiding eye contact with the older man as much as she could. the old run down bar he found himself slummed in barely had any customers–only himself and the bartender were occupying the bar at the moment, at the tables a man sat a drink in hand as he watched the clock tick.

"what's got you so bitter?" the bartender questions, handing jacob his shot. by now jacob was far from tipsy he was past that phase. the alcohol by now was taking full effect and impairing his judgment.

"a boy." he vaguely says, his eyes watching the brown liquid swirl around in the small glass.

the bartender lays her washcloth down and sits her elbows on the bar, invested in whatever jacob was about to say. "if you don't mind me asking what about this boy has you wasted off your ass?" she questions, taking the glass from his hands and downing the liquid inside.

"well to start off i fucked everything up by seeing him. and now i'm pretty sure he hates me for leaving." jacob puts his head in his hands shaking his head, letting his tears fall. he only cried in front of strangers when he was drunk, this wasn't something he did on a daily basis. "i'm such an idiot i like him but i can't even have him." jacob cries harder, feeling pathetic for not only crying in front of the girl but for letting his heart fall for troye.

the bartender comes from the other side of the bar, sitting on the stool beside jacob. "damn that's tough. i can see why you're getting drunk." she says grabbing the bottle full of brown liquid. "cheers to-" she cuts herself waiting for jacob to grab his drink.

"girlfriends." jacob smiles at the bartender, by now his vision was spinning but he could still make out the color of the bartender's hair, which was a dark shade of brown jacob could make out the hints of red when she stood under the light.

"by the way i'm alexa and you are?" she questions the very intoxicated man. jacob grabs her shoulder almost as if it would help the spinning in his head stop. but of course it didn't. "dude you're really drunk." alexa laughs, pulling his hand away from her shoulder.

"i'm...hiccup...jacob." he giggles nearly falling off the stool. alexa laughs at him, holding his shoulder to study him.

"i think you need to rest. c'mon jacob." she chuckles to herself pulling the man off the bar stool. jacob left his weight rest on alexa depending on her to drag him outside of the bar. with a grunt alexa attempts to open the door and carry jacob out of the bar–jacob realizing her struggle lifts his weight off of her a bit trying to walk himself without tripping over his feet. "did you drive here?" alexa questions, sitting him up against the brick wall outside of the bar. jacob nods, soon regretting the motion when his head starts to ache.

"i...it's just over there." he slurs his vision began to blur and his hands swayed semiconsciously nearly hitting the brick wall every time.

alexa grabs jacob's swaying body, pulling him along to the car he pointed to. it wasn't a far walk just a few minutes full of jacob's silent sobs. alexa turned towards him when they neared his car, a frown on her red lips. she may not have known jacob that well but, she had a feeling whatever was going on in his head was not just his drunk brain it was his sober thought. and they were killing him.

"sweetie, you alright?" she questions laughing to herself, of course he wasn't alright if he was crying his eyes out.

"d...do i look alright?" he spits his voice bitter, it wasn't convincing though considering he was slurring his words and choking on nearly all of his words as a lump formed in his throat choking him.

without another word to one another, jacob hands alexa his key's walking over to the passenger side of the car. he didn't want to say anything because he knew how he was when he was drunk. alexa kept to herself not bothering jacob as they drove to her apartment, seeing as jacob was too intoxicated to remember where he lived.

jacob had felt so stupid for one going over to troye's and two going out and getting drunk, he knew the consequences would hit him worse in the morning than they are right now. what jacob regretted most was talking to troye, he knew it was a horrible ideas from the start yet he found himself wanting more of the australian boy who was already dating his sister. yikes.

alexa sighs loudly, looking over at jacob who was lost in his thoughts as stared out the window of his car, watching the night pass by. the tears stained his cheeks, illuminated by the street lights they would pass. "jacob what's really wrong?" she questions her tone soft, she didn't want to frighten him.

jacob slowly turns towards alexa, the girl he'd barely known for a full two hours. "everything is wrong." he coughs  awkwardly, looking down at his hands. "everything to the fact i like my sister's boyfriend to i fucking almost had sex with him." jacob says, he felt ashamed saying the words out loud. not because he was ashamed of his sexuality but of the fact he likes his sister's boyfriend. jacob doesn't dare to look up at alexa, fearing the look he might be met with.

the words that met his ears were what shocked him most. "i've been there before jacob." alexa sadly sighs, jacob could feel her sorrowful eyes on him. "and let me tell you it's best if you don't go there." her voice lowers almost as if she was remembering something from her past.

jacob's sober thoughts were buzzing, and they weren't the most positive thoughts a person could have; despicable thoughts raced through his mind.

i fucking wish my heart never got attached to you, i wish i didn't think about your ocean eyes that stared back me with such hurt as i left you without saying goodbye or giving a reason why i was leaving you. i hate myself so much for falling for my sisters boyfriend, you wouldn't understand how much the guilt is eating at me from what we nearly did, what i nearly did. this all my fault.

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italics are his thoughts fyi flocks.(which are in first person fyi for the uneducated people) honestly i'm surprised people like this fic because my grammar is shitty and honestly this sucks tbh. i might edit it once it's finished which is kinda soonish i think. i haven't figured out the exact chapter yet.

anygays who's excited for friday?? like who else thinks jacob is in the video?? um i do!!!

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