anonymous - tracob

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the pounding in jacob's head didn't cease, it proceeded to get worse as he moved around in the bed that felt unfamiliar to his. the curtains that hid his beautiful green-hazel eyes fluttered open, he brings his hand up to shield his eyes from the brightness, wincing at the bright sun light that was pooling into the room from the open window. jacob looked around the room, taking in his surroundings once he got use to the brightness of sunlight shining into the room. it looked to be a girl's room, jacob's suspicions were right when he caught a glimpse of a photograph of a smiling dark brown haired girl.

"oh you're awake already." she says appearing from the open door, jacob turns his head quickly towards her, regretting the movements after he had done them. a sharp pain courses through his head, making him regret getting drunk last night. "here i brought you these." the girl who's name jacob couldn't seem to recall, handed him a bottle of pain killers, and glass of water. with a soft smile jaocb thanked her taking the bottle from her not worrying about the water. he swallows the pill dry.

"so, what happened last night?" jacob questions. the only thing he could remember from last night was going to troye's everything else from then on was a big blur to him.

alexa looks at jacob, almost as if she wanted to laugh. she did want to. not because what he had said was funny, but the fact she knew this would happen–she had been preparing all morning to tell jacob what happened if he couldn't remember anything.

"well you came to the bar i work at ordering fucking shot after shot..." alexa says. jacob's eyes widen, at her next words, and he nearly chokes on the water he was drinking. "you told me you might love troye."

coughing loudly, water splatters out of jacob's mouth and all over his pants, soaking him. he didn't remember saying those words, nor did he feel that way towards troye. jacob was convinced it was his drunk brain playing tricks on him and making him think unclear things. he can't love troye–matter of fact he can't even like him nor have feelings for the australian boy.

"i couldn't have said that, are you positive you heard my words correctly?" jacob questions, his neck turning red, he certain he was a bright red color by now.

alexa shakes her head, resting her small hand on jacob's shoulder. "bud i heard you correctly. you said you love this kid–well you think you do." she says squeezing his shoulder tightly reassuringly.

jacob shrugged her hand away, standing up from the bed, his thoughts were a mess at this point which wasn't a good thing considering he was still a bit hungover and his headache hadn't proceeded to dissipate fully. standing by the open window his eyes cast up to the sky, the sun still shined through the window but it was hidden behind a cloud so its rays weren't as harsh to jacob's eyes before.

i can't love him, not now, nor ever. why do i have to catch feelings for him? there are so many other males in the universe, why him? what makes him so special? and that's what jacob wanted to find out, but at the same time the thought of breaking another promise to himself kept him from doing so. it wasn't the fact he was scared, it was more of the fact of the guilt he would feel. jacob hated the feeling of guilt, he hated how it pinched him in the gut and nearly took his breath away, he hated everything associated with guilt, that's why he tended to avoid situations like the one he was tangled in now.

jacob's left hand searches his jacket pocket for the pack of death sticks, his hand graces the packet of cardboard, he pulls out a cigarette grabbing his lighter from his back pocket. before he lit the cigarette he looked towards alexa for permission to smoke, jacob was used to most people sassing him for smoking he was also used to people lecturing him about how the nicotine was harmful to his being, of course jacob didn't care, it was just a small habit it wasn't like he chain smoked like most people he knows does.

alexa stands from the bed, walking towards jacob her right hand reaching out. jacob took that as a sign she wanted a cigarette. jacob grabs a cigarette from the pack, handing an unlit one to alexa, who takes the cancerous thing and puts it between her lips waiting for jacob to light his. jacob flicks on the lighter, the bright orange flames illuminating his face has he covered his hand around the cigarette lighting it. smoke begins to fill his lungs as he starts to inhale to cigarette, passing alexa the lighter he lets out a puff a cloud of smoke wrapping around the room and finding its way out the open window.

jacob closed his eyes a serene feeling coming over him as he stared out the window at the busy streets inhaling smoke and letting it out in a loom of clouds. jacob had found himself smoking a lot lately just so he could have a of a feeling of tranquility without his thoughts there nagging him about troye.

troye, jacob had wondered for a split second why he hadn't called or texted him, but he pushed those thoughts away seeing as there was no reason troye needed to text nor call jacob. jacob wasn't important to troye, he didn't run through his mind twenty four seven.

jacob sighs throwing his head back slightly, "say i'm starving what do say about going on a little lunch date?" jacob questions crushing his cigarette on the edge of the open window, alexa does the same with her's throwing her's out the window jacob on the other hand trashed his.

alexa looks at jacob with a grin, "are you reading my mind or something jacob?" she questions walking over to what jacob assumed was her closet. jacob's assumptions were correct when she walked out of the closet with a change of clothes in hand and a clean shirt for jacob. "here's a clean shirt." she says throwing the shirt in his direction. jacob catches the shirt with no difficulty, his biceps flexing.

alexa lifts her shirt up exposing her black lace bra to jacob. he quickly turns around rushing towards the door. it wasn't that she wasn't beautiful because she was it was the fact he was very homosexual and he didn't feel right watching her undress even if he didn't like girls in that.

jacob slips out of his shirt from the previous night, slipping on the new one alexa had gave him. the one he had been wearing he had noticed it smelled like troye and alcohol mixed with his scent. jacob broods, pursing his lips together tightly. his thoughts bothered him to the point the guilt he was previously feeling the night before felt almost as if it was punching him in the gut repeatedly over and over again and ripping out his lungs. jacob hated this feeling so much, he hated everything about it.

alxea steps out of her room, looking over at jacob with a smug smile. she grabbed her wallet, walking towards jacob and locking their arms together. "c'mon love, let's go make these bitches jealous." she jokes bumping her hip with his. jacob for the first time that day lets out a laugh that wasn't forced. he follows alexa out the door of her apartment waiting patiently for her to find the right key to lock the door. finally when alexa does the pair don't hesitate to childishly race other down the stairs of her apartment. jacob nearly tripping over the stair he missed–laughs loudly as he and his new found friend chase each other around the parking garage as they look for alexa's car.

god how i fucking wish to have something like this with ocean eyes. i want something more but at the same time i can't receive anything back because that would be selfish of me. jacob wanted just a little bit of his heart, but he knew he couldn't have that, even if it was just a little bit of his heart he was asking for. god i've caused such a huge problem by wanting him.

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i didn't or did i just? what the fuck am i saying? thinking about changing the name should i?

predictions?

okay can i talk about tracob like today is fucking kill malia day i've never been so shook in my whole life. and the heaven video and jacob i literally am not shitting you was about to kill myself. like fuck it was beautiful and i cried so much.

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