falling asleep was difficult laying next to the person that made your heart skip a beat each time they would roll over and touch your skin or pull you closer to them, trying keep warm. their touch burned your skin and made your stomach ache with feelings you've never felt before.
jacob laid awake, his skin brushing troye's every once in awhile. his heart was pounding against his rib cage beating loudly in his ear, it was the only sound able to be heard in the room apart from the annoying beeping of the heart monitor and the rain rapidly rapping at the window, its drops racing each other as they fell. jacob tried to focus on that, but his mind was elsewhere.
somewhere between consciousness and sleep, jacob started to slip away his thoughts consumed of the ocean eyed culprit laying next to him oblivious to how jacob felt about him.
"you know we can only be friends," troye's raspy voice startled jacob snapping him out of his thoughts, he looks towards troye cocking and eyebrow. "i'm going through a lot of shit right now, i can't do this. don't act like this one of the cliche moments where i tell you i love you too, because i don't. i can't, love hurts and if i get hurt– just lets be friends," troye says his voice down to a soft whisper.
a bitter chuckle emits from jacob's lips, "if you believe for one second i can be friends with you you must not know me. troye i don't wanna be your friend, i want to be more you idiot," jacob practically yells, his body shaking with a flow of emotions he's never felt. troye looks at him shaking his head repeatedly, mumbling nonsense to himself that jacob didn't understand.
"i can't love you, it hurts too much. don't be selfish," troye glares at him now sitting up in the small bed. "i have feelings too, not just you."
jacob looks down biting his lip, he was being selfish, forcing his feelings upon troye thinking he'd feel the same.
"i'm sorry. can we start over?" jacob questions hopefully, his hazel eyes tried his best to avoid the blue eyes staring st him.
troye leaves out a sigh, "okay,"
___
being friends was easier than it looked, but when feelings were involved between two people who didn't know exactly what they wanted things tended to get a little complicated.
troye knew exactly what he wanted, but the thing was he was afraid of it, afraid of the way his heart skipped a beat, he was afraid of the way his stomach filled with a million butterflies whenever he was near the man he was falling for. he was afraid to be himself.
jacob had been a constant thing in his life, always stopping by to check on him to make sure he had food, or he was okay. troye at first hated this but whenever jacob didn't show up he would feel a bit upset wondering if the man still cared.
troye had been discharged from the hospital several days ago, when the doctors realized all the toxins had been flushed out of his system and he wouldn't suffer any bad consequences.
sage's wedding was nearing closer and troye was growing more anxious than ever. he still didn't have the money he owned the man nor would he have it anytime soon. he was running short on money as it was, his food supply running low.
sage, being the worried sister she was practically moved in with him, not leaving his side ever since he'd left the hospital. sage constantly made sure troye was happy, and always checked on him. troye knew she was just worried about him but after a while it got annoying, sage would ask him a million questions which he would simply give her a yes or no answer.
jacob and troye were sat on the roof top of his building, the constellations of stars above them, the cool night breeze hits their numb limps but neither care, their bodies were warm enough just by the touch of their thighs and calves that were twisted together above the blanket. somehow jacob's hand ends up in troye's drawing soft patterns with the pad of his thumb across his knuckle. troye's breath was trapped in his throat, unable to escape as he stared into the stars of jacob's eyes beside him.
reminding himself continuously they were just friends, troye tried to rid the feelings looming in his chest as he continued to stare into jacob's green-hazel orbs. he tried to tell himself the way his heart was beating against his rib cage was primarily from nerves. but even troye knew that all was bullshit.
troye moves his eyes back to the stars in the sky and away from the beauty shining in his eyes, he knew if he stared longer he'd be tempted to do something that wouldn't make them friends.
jacob's hand still holding troye's, with his thumb drawing soft patterns into his knuckle was soon pulled away by troye a sheepish look on his face. he liked the feeling, but he didn't want jacob to know that.
mumbling a soft sorry that drifts away into the night's air, jacob grows quite his eyes no longer looking at the stars, troye's weren't either.
with a soft touch jacob's hand traces troye's bottom lip, that was chapped and bitten from nerves. he doesn't move his hand away though he continues to stare at troye a look in his eyes troye had seen so many times.
jacob draws his hand away, only to have troye grab his wrist and set them back in place. he looks deep into his hazel eyes, his heart pounding so loud in his ears.
"kiss me," troye whispers softly his voice shaking with anxiety. he stares at jacob, eyes sharing a silent moment of agreement.
jacob moves closer towards troye, his lips dangerously close to his. troye could smell the cigarette on his breath from earlier as he advanced closer to him.
before their lips could meet troye stops himself, shaking the feelings away and pushing himself as far away from jacob as he possibly could be. jacob with a disappointed frown didn't bring it up, he wanted to but with troye's temper he realized it would be a good idea to just keep his mouth shut.
troye shouldn't have feelings for a friend, but here he was slowly starting to fall for jacob. troye didn't like this at all because he knew in the end someone was going to get hurt, it always happens no matter what.
the nights breeze felt colder without the embrace of jacob to keep him warm, hugging his arms around his waist he attempted to keep his body warm, the chilly night making goosebumps rise on his skin.
"you're cold, c'mere," jacob says his arms open wide, his body now sitting up on the blanket. troye takes a moment to argue with his subconscious if this was a good idea, it seemed like a perfectly fine idea, but of course troye puts too much thought into things. "stop thinking and just do," jacob says a small smile falling onto his lips, reading his mind. troye scoots closer, his body now laying in between jacob's legs, jacob's arms wrap around him, sending his stomach into a mess of butterflies and his heart pounding so loud he was positive jacob could hear it as well.
a pair of lips meet the side of troye's forehead making a blush coat his face which he tries to hide but of course jacob noticed, but he didn't say anything he just smirked kissing his forehead again.
just friends. troye told himself repeatedly as he felt jacob's lips on him again.
troye didn't want to be just friends.
_______________
roseclusteri updated anonymous girlie! don't break the mutual honey.
this chapter is short but next is longer i promise.
go read fuck boy i'm excited for this fic because jacob's honestly so hilarious in this fic
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