Accept

Chapter 12- Chris

The gray clouds of November had blown in with vengeance seeming as angry as I felt.  I was unsure if the thudding noise was coming from my head or the pounding rain on my bedroom window. I hated Minnesota more than ever and couldn't wait to finish school and leave the depressing state and its residents behind.

I closed my eyes trying to make the pounding noise go away. The memories of the tequila shots came back to me and anxiety crept in as I remembered what an ass I had been to every one. Ever since I walked out of Lexie's life, the skies had become gray and the rain hadn't stopped. My mood matched the weather and I wasn't sure when either was going to change.

After our breakup, I was angry for her infidelity, but after a week, the anger turned to sadness. I couldn't believe how much I missed her. I had agreed to Lexie's causal relationship at the beginning, but it had turned into more. Even though I never confided my feelings to her I thought she felt the same. I was wrong.

It had been difficult not responding to her many texts and calls the past week, but I knew I would cave if I saw her. Instead, I skipped classes and blocked her calls making any chance of seeing her nearly impossible. Her cheating reminded me of my father's many affairs and my mother's acceptance of them. I would not accept a relationship as theirs.

I thought things would change with Caroline. She was a sports reporter that interviewed me after a game a month earlier. She had been flirting with me even while I dated Lexie and I hadn't been interested. The guys on the team thought I was crazy to ignore the tall, beautiful blonde reporter, but Lexie was all I wanted. After Caroline found out about our breakup, she asked me out. Immediately, I saw her as a way to get my mind off of Lexie and accepted.

The guys on the team were tired of my irritable attitude and persuaded me to go out for drinks, convincing me getting drunk would help. They were right; the tequila made me forget about Lexie until I saw her.

"This is my last shot, tonight guys," I said as I stood by the bar downing a shot of Patron. "I am taking Caroline home for a good fuck. I can't wait to finally have someone with a little excitement. I've had enough of these inexperienced college girls." Everyone laughed as we slammed our glasses on the counter, except Matt.

He hit me on the chest, "Knock it off Chris. Don't say something you will regret."

"Hey, I don't mean Kate. She seems like she might be a wildcat in the sack. She should give Lexie some lessons."

Matt should have decked me at that point. From within the crowd, I heard Kate's voice, "Go to hell, Chris. You're not as great as you think if Lexie went elsewhere."

My heart dropped as I faced Lexie. I had been oblivious to her standing behind me and saw the pain and humiliation in her eyes at my comment. I wanted to wipe the big tears streaming down her face and tell her it was a lie but was unable to. She had crushed my heart and I wouldn't let it happen again. I wanted to hurt her just as she had done to me, but doing so didn't make me feel any better.

"You're an asshole," Matt said shoving me against the bar. "It took a lot of convincing to get Lexie here tonight. It would be nice for all of us to at least be friends again, but that will never happen now."

I could see the look of disgust on Matt's face as he walked Kate and Lexie out the door while I continued to drown myself in Patron.

The rest of the night was a blur.  Caroline followed me home; however, it was only a reminder of Lexie. I tried to close my eyes and not imagine her but ended up asking her to leave once we were finished. Seeing her lay in my bed was only a reminder of the past and Lexie had been privileged as the only woman to stay overnight.  I felt a commitment to keep her legacy.