Accept

Chapter 32- Lexie

Speeding through the downtown city lights, I lowered the car window, to let the evening breeze calm my cheeks after dinner with Chris's parents. I drank more Merlot than I should have to calm my anxiety, not knowing what to expect.

The past week had been very stressful. Chris's parents had flown in for the graduation ceremony and seemed to get along. I noticed them holding hands and wondered if Bella had been removed from the picture. Their intimacy seemed to perk Chris's spirits and I wanted to join his happiness. But as happy as the occasion should have been it was the beginning of the end as I knew it. I had been in denial but graduation made it official.

The musky scent of his cologne, mixed with the bouquet of restaurants, and exhaust spilled into the car. I could feel and smell the excitement of summer in the air, but tonight it felt lonely.

Chris looked relaxed, with the top buttons of his white shirt undone, exposing his broad chest; teasing me with what lay underneath. His tan, muscular hands barely held the wheel, but he maneuvered the vehicle precisely through the traffic. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled up, and it was hard not to stare at the gold Rolex he had received as a graduation present from his parents.

The watch was an expectant traditional family gift when graduating from college. When we told him about it, I panicked, realizing I needed to buy him a gift, knowing I could not buy anything in comparison. How was I supposed to compete against a $20,000 watch? This gift was another reminder of how different our backgrounds were. We were kidding ourselves to think this could continue after this year.

I felt we had really connected in the past couple of months, but suddenly reality was setting in and I knew our fantasy life was about to end. I would continue to be a college student and he would be a professional NFL player. The two lives had nothing in common and we needed to face the reality. I anticipated a breakup soon and was preparing myself mentally. Knowing my past experiences, I was already subconsciously separating myself from him.

"You have been quiet since we left the restaurant," Chris said, patting my knee with his gentle hand. "You have been distant in the past week. What are you thinking about?"

I turned sideways in my seat to face him, not wanting to admit what I was thinking, "I am so proud of you. You are done with school, and ready to start your dream career in the NFL. I am going to miss you when you move to Chicago next month."

The heavy feeling I had felt in my stomach for the past week returned, and I wanted to cry. I would never be able to end it with him and hoped he would do it soon. It became more painful every day to drag the inevitable out.

"What do you mean, you will miss me? I'm only an hour's flight away. I told you, I'll buy your plane ticket every weekend, so you can visit. The time will fly by until you graduate next year, and you can move to Chicago." His fingers interlaced mine, and I squeezed his hand back.

"You'll find someone new in Chicago. Someone mature and sophisticated, that will be compatible with you. Someone like your mother," I joked.

"You are mature and sophisticated enough for me. Except when you wear dresses," he laughed, looking at my dress pulled up to my waist, so I could sit cross-legged in the car seat.

I uncrossed my legs and turned to face the front of the car. I was afraid I would never fit in with the people he was going to meet. I would never be pretty enough, never be sexually experienced enough, or never be rich enough to participate in the crowd he would soon be encircled with. Just thinking of the luxurious apartment he had rented in comparison to my tiny house made me realize we were from two different worlds. I would never be able to afford anything in the price range of what he had paid.