Accept

Chapter 13- Lexie

I clutched the hood on my gray rain jacket, but the icy rain numbed my fingers to the point of immobility. I realized pursuing Chis to the hospital was encouragement for my dark side and bordered stalking, but I needed to know he was ok.

I watched Caroline wrap her arm around Chris, while they waited for Matt and decided I had seen enough. Seeing them together made me realize we were over.

As I waited for the light to change, my eyes met Chris's briefly. I noticed the twinkle had vanished from his eyes and he looked exhausted, but at least he was walking. My fingers tightened my scarf and I continued across the street to my car before he noticed me.

I managed to fumble with the keys and climb in before pulling off my hood. I stared at my reflection in the rearview mirror and began to cry. Witnessing Chris hit the ground during the game, was the most terrifying event I had witnessed. His lifeless body lay on the field while the paramedics huddled around him until he was carried off.

I buried my head and sobbed into the steering wheel. I sobbed for his injuries; for our breakup; but most of all I sobbed because he had moved on with Caroline and left me behind.

The next few weeks were a blur. Each day ran into the next and seemed as dark and dreary as the previous. I found myself wandering to our lunch spots, driving by his house, and calling his phone number. I knew he would never answer, but needed to hear his voice or catch a glimpse of him. I was unable to resist the temptation to stalk him and I needed to stop before it became dangerous. I focused on school, forcing myself to attend classes, and then lying in bed dreaming of Chris. Hoping to turn the dreams into reality.

My dreams remained a fantasy; however, Chris's dream became real. It was official. He had been drafted by the Chicago Bears. The school was buzzing with the excitement of a local athlete going professional. The media was everywhere and it was hard to ignore his presence. The football team was having a party at our local hangout and Kate had been nagging me to attend.

"Lexie, you need to get out. You can't spend every weekend in your bedroom. We can make a quick appearance and then we can go to a different place for dinner. You and Chris were friends before anything happened. Aren't you happy for him?"

"I am happy for him and appreciate the offer, but I have a lot of homework to do. I will send him a text, I promise." I wanted to congratulate him but wasn't ready to see him with Caroline.

Kate hugged me. "I know it's hard but seeing him will help you move on. It's part of the healing process."

"I just can't yet. Let me get through this semester and I can move on. Promise."

"Ok, but call me if you change your mind. We can still meet for dinner somewhere."

"Thanks, but I think I will go to the coffee shop and get my final paper done. Have fun," I said leaving the house.

The smell of coffee usually boosted my mood, however not even the hip brick building could break my desolate feeling. The dreary November clouds toppled over the city, whirling the dead leaves. Normally, I loved to sit by the window watching the vivacious city life, but for the first time this year, I felt abandoned, as if no one cared.

The streets were empty except for a couple scurrying down the sidewalk. The woman was dressed in a fluffy white scarf and suede boots. She glanced in my direction momentarily as they passed by. Her nose was pink from the blustery wind and I wondered if they were hurrying home to cuddle in front of the TV to watch an old movie. On so many occasions, I would slip my hands under Chris's shirt and warm my cold nose against his neck to see him jump. He never complained but would hold me tight until I was unable to breathe and begged for him to release me.