"i can't do this anymore," i said. coughing in the process. tyler's eyes lit up and he walked over to me.
"w-w-what do you mean?" he said, he covered his mouth. (its anout to get v dramatic: a/n) i didn't want to say it and hurt him but i couldn't hold all of this in.
"i can't do this life thing anymore," i said, i looked into tylers eyes. "i can't put you through this.. anymore."
8 weeks ago.
"i don-don't feel very good." i say. the doctor glances at me and then looks away.
'right, because you give a shit.' i say inside,
the doctors put a cannula in my nose and it brings oxygen up. i don't know where i am. am i lost? am i-- dreaming?
"c-c-can you save me?" i ask, the world starts spinning.
"we're losing him!" another doctor says. i attempt to close my eyes but a nurse shakes my shoulders. she has long blonde hair and ocean blue eyes. on her nametag the name says, 'jenna.'
"nooo, we're not losing you," she says, i ignore her and i close my eyes. this world was shitty anyways, this way is easier. i hear people yell and i hear a soft voice and it all goes quiet.
"stay alive for me!" is all i hear. over and over.
----
"i almost died- and i liked that feeling," i said, shuffling in the bed. the room was silent besides a silent beep. tyler's eyes got watery and he kept trying to not cry.
"no," is all he said. just, no. he ran out of the room, his hand covering his mouth.
'no.'
i look up at the ceiling. my chest felt better, but i didn't want to feel better. i didn't like the thought of what the world would be like in the future. i doubt that i would've been able to go to any bars, or anything. i wouldn't be able to have any fun.
'i wonder if they have any bars in hell...'
the door opens and in came my favourite nurse, jenna. she actually cared about me. she fed me food and stuff, and one day she ordered me mc donalds which was delicious and the feeling of the hot warm fries instead of the dry and cold food from the cafeteria here felt amazing.
"was that tyler?" she asked, looking back at the door and then back at me. i sighed.
"y-yeah," i said, i looked down at my hands and tried hard not to cry. jenna rushed over to my bed and patted my back.
"it's gonna be okay- don't worry, he's an ass," i looked at her. 'he didn't even do anything to make him an ass.' i looked at her and then back at my hands. "i dated him, last .. year? yeah, he was rude. he was sweet. but he cheated on me with some gay guy. which made him a gay ass." she looked at me and then chuckled silently to herself.
"is there a way that .. they could end me?" i asked, i ignored what she said and asked my question instead. he was bi. bisexual, he liked both genders.
"what.. do you mean?" she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
"could they, like, end my life? i don't think i could do this anymore," i said, looking at her. i felt tears fall from my face but i didn't care.
"...yes, but, you have 21 days to go and see the world while you still can.." she said, she sounded like she wanted me gone.. i don't know.
"really?" i asked, i looked back down at my hands to fiddle with my thumbs.
"yeah. we can make it happen," she said, patting my hand. "i understand lung cancer- it fucking hurts. you can't do shit. but you don't have to do this, we can help you get better," she said, assuring me that my life matters.
"please," i said, jenna nodded her head and walked out, leaving me alone to my thoughts.
- - - - - - -
fuCk
this chapter was so bad lmao. my mife sucks.
sorry , most of this isnt accurate, but its a fan fic, not an actual book. anything. could happen(?)
sooooooxowoooo
mk bye
