"you were supposed to kill me! god dammit." i started shaking and i started rocking back and forth, violently.
"hey, what do you mean?" tyler said, he grabbed my arm and i pushed him away. i looked away in disgust and looked out the window.
"you were supposed to kill ! me!" i yelled again, jenna looked up and mouthed "i'm sorry" and spoke into her walkie talkie. (a/n im three years old and its fun to say mk?) "why didnt you do it?" i yelled, tyler looked at jenna and she walked over to me.
"deep breaths. josh. deep breaths- imagine all the people who would've been upset about your death. trust me- you'll die from natural causes.. not from you wanting to give up."
from then on i calmed down.
tyler gave brought clothes for and didn't once ask about what happened earlier.
"wanna talk about it?" i asked right after we got in the car.
"no.." he trailed off and started the car. without thinking i turned around and faced him- grabbing his hand. he looked at me, and i looked at him.
"what did you mean earlier? when they were supposed to 'kill you'?" he asked, letting go of my hand and crossing his arms.
"they were supossed to- well- i don't know really. i guess i was gonna die at a 'transplant failure'."
"oh, this is straight out of as fucking book. why would that even exist?"
" i don't know."
tyler looked away back at the road and sighed- loudly. i looked at the road and instead of telling him i was sorry, i didn't. i couldn't. the car was silent besides the band playing softly in the car. instead of dealing with my thoughts and emotions i paid attention to the band. i couldn't decide if it was blink-182 or nirvana. it was too quiet, quiet like the car ride.
"how could you be so selfish?" i looked back at tyler and he was tearing up.
"i-i-"
"how could you not think of me? you decided to do this- without thinking of me," he looked at me and a single tear fell down his face. his cheeks were rosy red, like the roses found in the garden in my head.
"i'm sorry!" i yelled, "how do you think i felt?! you cheated on me!" my emotions were finally out, free to roam and change what he had ever thought of "us" trees surrounded the car, i put my hand on the window and looked back at tyler. tyler's face was blank with no emotions. it was like an empty canvas, waiting for an artist to come over and express himself. he probably was expecting me to become leonardo divinci.
"were we really something though?" he asked, sobbing in between words. i looked at him, more shocked then ever.
"were we ever really not? what did the kisses mean? the asking on date?"
"they meant that we were.." he was silent, realizing he just messed up. "do you want me to take you on that date?" i looked out the window and tyler quickly drove us away.
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im at school rn so y'know being judged slowly for my writing :'))))
reall bad chapter im sorry xxx i promise the next one will be better
