Behind Closed Doors // Lashton

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Five (long chapter to make up for short one)

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LUKE POV

**9am, May 18th**

I'm anxious, really anxious. Also terrified. Like, shitting my pants terrified. To the point of wanting to punch something because I hate being weak. I also have Ashton next to me, rubbing my arm. I hate being emotional, it's so not like me. Emotions are dumb, I'd rather hit something. Physical pain over emotional pain any day.

"Fuck it I'm hitting start." I say, clicking the live button. Ashton scoots out of sight from the camera.

"You've got it." Ashton says to me. I share the link over various social media websites.

"Oh my god there are so many of them already." I say to Ash.

"Wait a couple minutes." Ash says.

"Hey guys, can you hear me?" I ask the fans through the livestream. I get positive replies in the chat, and I kind of wish they couldn't hear me.

"Can you see me?" I ask next. More positive replies.

"Shit, hey do I look acceptable?" I ask Ash.

"You could go into public and survive." Ash says.

"Good. Ok I think we're going to get started." I say to fans. I can literally already feel an anxiety attack starting. Not a good way to start this.

"Um, first I'm going to tell you guys something you may have noticed already. I'm a really big asshole in public and to the other lads." I say. Ashton snorts with laughter.

"You aren't helping." I say to him. The fans really want to know who I'm talking to because they can't quite hear him.

"Anyways, I'm an asshole. Or I was. First things first, it was fake. Me being an asshole has been a scheme since our first tour with One Direction.

"Only one person knew it was fake. So two of the others in 5SoS didn't know. I've been acting like an asshole for years and they thought it was real.

"You'll notice I've got a busted hand, this was from Michael. You'll also recall when Ashton broke his arm. That was also from Michael because he swung at me with his guitar and Ashton got in the way." I say, showing them my hand.

"Well worth it." Ashton says. The fans still really want to know who it is.

"So clearly Michael didn't know, and he is still having trouble accepting it was fake when I told him a week or so ago." I say to the fans.

"Don't get ahead of yourself." Ash says to me.

"Right. Ok, now as to why I pretended to be an asshole. I have the biggest ego on earth thanks to someone. The reason for this ego is that at the beginning of our first One Direction tour, I was scared shitless.

"I literally have the worst anxiety ever. It hasn't affected me much since I was thirteen. In the past week I've had two anxiety attacks. You may remember me losing it and cutting a concert short a few days ago. As of right now I'm shaking so much I could fucking levitate." I say. Ashton can't help but laugh, and I literally move and punch him in the arm.

"Something else you should know about me. I have anger issues, and they can get pretty bad sometimes. You may have noticed in the past that I treated Ashton like shit. Like he wasn't even a person. That was partially because of my anger issues. My anxiety makes me really angry because emotions are stupid." I glance to the comment sections, and just see a shit ton of comments all asking the same thing.