I Do | LS

9. H

Song Of The Chapter: This Town by Niall Horan

I felt Louis freeze underneath me.

"You don't have to say anything," I whispered, hugging him tighter, "I just wanted to inform you."

Louis pulled away, "I'm sorry."

He had such a depressed look on his face, an expression that I felt did not suit him. I wanted Louis to always be the happy little boy he was. Sad Louis was something I hated to see.

"What more is there to be sorry for, Louis? We've been through a lot, which hasn't always been easy, but please don't apologize for it. There's reasoning behind it all, yeah?"

"Do you mind if we sit?" He asked. I sat on the couch and patted the cushion.

Once Louis sat down, he glanced at me, "I miss you, Harry. Mentally and physically."

"I miss you too, Louis, but with the way things are now - we can't have everything we want."

"I don't fucking want everything, Harry. All I want is a stable friendship with you. No constant arguing, no shoving into each other, no snarky looks."

I sighed, "Simon said if we - "

Louis groaned and rolled his eyes, "Fuck what Simon says. What's he going to do? Throw us in jail for having contact with each other? Such bullshit."

"Well, sorry for speaking," I mumbled and looked away.

"God dammit, Harry. What doesn't help either, is that at this point, we're so used to having such a controversial relationship. One minute we're fine, the next we're bickering like immature kids. It's horrible, and you know it."

"No shit, Sherlock. It's obviously horrible. I can't change that."

"What's with you lately?" Louis asked gently.

Plenty of things. Simon was bitching at us for being close. Louis was married into a relationship that wasn't even real to begin with. Louis was confused about life. He told me there was nothing real between us.

Nothing real.

"A lot."

"Like what?"

"Nothing," I shook my head.

"Tell me," he pleaded, "you can't say there's nothing wrong when there is."

"No, Louis," I grew annoyed.

"Why?" He huffed.

I snapped, "Do you really want to know why? Because if I fucking tell you what's wrong you'll get offended and pissy with me. And then we'll go back to the same old never-speak-again friends. I can't say shit anymore without something going haywire!"

Louis stared at me, eyes slightly wider than normal. Something inside me told me he wouldn't leave without getting answers. That's just how he was.

"I was angry," I said, a little bit calmer. "I was jealous that you were getting married. Angry that I wouldn't be able to look at you the same. Well shit, I couldn't look at you at all. I knew that if I did, Eleanor would be right there to yell at me. And you never noticed it one bit. All the dirty looks and smart comments she gave me, always unnoticed by you. All because you were mad in love with her. I usually ignored it, usually didn't let it go to my head. I wanted you to be happy with what you did, so I let you be. It seemed like the only way I'd be okay was if you were content. Now I don't know what I am anymore. Happy? Sad? Lost?"

I rested my face in my hands. Louis' hand found its way to my back and slowly rubbed small circles.

"I'm sorry for not paying attention when I should've," he whispered, "and when you needed me."

"I just miss the old us, Louis." I mumbled into my hands.

"Me too, Harry. Believe me."

"I miss the days when we could be our foolish selves and nobody cared. When we could show affection and hug each other. We were one big, happy family, but now look at us."

Louis nodded, "I know, I know. Let's just be happy we atleast get some moments like this together, yeah?"

I sat up again, "Yeah. I think I should go to bed now, though. It's late. Eleanor is probably waiting for you, anyways."

"Yeah, probably. Let me tuck you in atleast - for old times sake."

I walked over to the bed and got inside the sheets, "I'm not sixteen anymore, you know."

"I don't care. Now put your head down and close your eyes."

I did as he said and relaxed. His fingers brushed over the outline of my body, making sure the sheets were pushed underneath me. I could hear his footsteps distancing, so I squinted open my eyes. I watched as he walked further and further away, towards the door.

"I love you, Louis. Don't ever forget that," I said quietly as I snuggled further into the sheets.

Louis' back was still to me and he was soundless. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, as if he was deep in thought. He turned his head halfway and I could see the ever so slight smile on his face, "I love you too, Harry."

[a/n: short but I needed to put something up. love you (: -xxlarryschildxx]