Belonging to Love

19

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A moonlit, barren wasteland stretched for miles as my lungs began to complain at my urgency to run faster. My body desensitizing with each sprinting step I mindlessly took. The grass was sharp and dead, glowing in the midnight sun as it tossed in the breeze, like rippling water across a lake, but the pain in my feet was nothing compared to the fiery prison that engulfed my head. Swarming with more questions that needed answering.

The clanging of the manoeuvre gear strapped to my sides ricocheted through my drowning thoughts as I pushed onwards. I don't intend to use the gear for its flying purposes, I intend to wield the blades inside of it. Foolish of the Scouts to leave such equipment in the room of someone who they deemed 'mentally unstable'. Of course, it all works in my favour –which in my opinion, is all that matters. Victory for (F/N) (L/N). Sword through the heart for Eren Jaeger and a living hell for the rest of his murderous entourage who dare call themselves humanities only hope.

After Eren left my room I felt an overwhelming sense of mercy for the young man –until I heard my mother's screams in the back of my mind. I've never been much of a bloodthirsty individual...But I can't say the same for Eren.

An eye for an eye, isn't that how the saying goes? Or my preferred saying – a life for a life.

Only I don't think that's what I want...

Then what do I want?

I can't stop hearing Eren's voice as he confided in his fellow Scouts, 'I love (F/N) – and I always will. I want to be with her!'

Only moments before I planned on barging through that half-man corporal's door and finally claim my revenge his voice was the thing that buffered me.

His voice replayed itself again and again and again in my mind, like a broken record. It sounded so painful and heartbroken that it was almost believable. Behind closed doors, it was hard to tell a person's sincerity, especially that of a human-eating monster shifter. When I stood there, swords at the ready, waiting to pounce, Eren and the others consulted about my well-being and I was struck with another wave of hesitation.

They spoke of love. And brain-washing and other seemingly pointless matters. Love. What a joke!

Yet not so funny...

Curiosity stayed me in that moment and I was reminded of something I had seen earlier.

The gear I got was from the wardrobe in the room they left me in. Alongside the gear, was a dress. A beautiful white dress to be exact.

I had paid no attention to it at the time of my blind rage across headquarters to find my target, but when I stood behind that door listening to Eren seemingly pour his heart out, I grew more and more aware of how each little lace adorned detailed on that dress was familiar to me. How the size of the dress matched my own. How subconsciously joyful that dress made me feel.

I wasn't even aware in that moment I was running in the opposite direction of the Corporal's office.

The air tickled my face, reminding me where I currently was. Kneeling now, my body had forced itself to stop running.

I can't breathe. I can't see.

My chest feels as though it might explode.

All that bullshit they talked about – the dress even. It's not real. Is it?

         

"(F/N)."

I can't catch my breath.

"My dear sister."

My heart leapt at the sound of that all too familiar voice. I had grown to love that voice. So smooth and husk-like. I miss that voice.