Tidal Waves

Too Depressed to Go On

Tw!!!... And might be really long.. sorry :(

Jacks POV:

I came home from school finding my dad with a sad expression on his face sitting on the couch strumming his bass to what seemed to be the chords to "I'm Lost Without You". I came and sat with him.

"What's wrong dad?" I asked him.
He sighed and looked at me.
"Travis quit Blink, I have to find a new drummer" he told me.

I couldn't believe it, if I hadn't of stood up for Ava that day then I wouldn't of gotten beat and Travis wouldn't of gotten mad at dad and quit the band.

"I'm sorry dad" I told him
"It's not your fault Jack, don't let Landon put that in your head either, this is Travis' choice to leave the band" he assured me.
I nodded but figured it was just one of his tactics to make me feel better. I knew it was my fault and didn't know how to look at myself.

I got up and went to my room and shut the door, I walked over to my dresser and looked at myself in the little mirror on it. I was disgusted with myself because of everything that's happened. From getting Ava involved with my problems, to my dad walking in on me being mentally unstable causing him to worry, and now me making Landon mad causing him to beat me up making Travis leave the band.

It was all just too much.
I knew what had to be done.
I just had to know a good time.
I decided to write my letter first.

I sat down at my desk with paper and a pen with barely any ink, but it had to work for now. I thought of words I should say.

Dear Everyone reading,
I'm sorry for doing this to you all, this was a selfish thing on my part and it's going to hurt you all. I'm sorry for causing all this bs between Blink and everything else, I'm sorry for not talking to anyone as much as I should of and leaving you all in question. But this was all just too much, this is going to hurt you all, but will hurt you more if I survive to watch you suffer in pain. Please forgive me if you could.
X Jack X

I folded the note neatly and hid it in my drawer, trying to decide the best time, I didn't want to be too late, but I also didn't want to be too soon either, I just waited for the best time.
And boy it couldn't of came at a better time.

My dad was writing song lyrics when he told me he had to go to the store and asked if I wanted to come with. I told him no that I had homework to do, and luckily he took my word for it. I thought for a moment before he left how hurt he would be if he didn't say goodbye to me, so I figured I should.
I went over and hugged him tight, tighter than ever since I figured it'd be my last.
"You ok buddy?" He asked me concerning
"I'm okay, I just haven't hugged u in a while" I replied innocently
Thankfully he took my reasoning but was still unsure, I could see it on his face, but he pushed it aside and hugged me back.
After he left, the house was silent, no dad, mom still at work, I was an only child so no siblings. It was the perfect time.

But before I went through, I called Ava, she is the best friend I ever had, and now here I was hurting her after all she's done for me. How fucked up am I?

She answered the first ring
"Jack?"
"Ava I'm so fucking sorry, I can't do this anymore"
"What are you talking about? What are you doing"? She asked clearly scared
"I love you, you were the bestest friend I've ever had" were the last words I said to her before hanging up on her.

I went to the bathroom and turned on the shower after locking the door. I placed the note next to my phone on the ledge of the tub, and got in fully clothed.
I sunk to the floor of the shower crying and grabbed the new blade I stole, it was brand new so it was extra sharp. My shaking hands pressed it into my arm deep, nearly stabbing it, and I dragged it deeply all the way down from my wrist to my shoulder and wrapped around to my elbow.
It was the biggest, deepest cut I've ever made and was quite proud. There was so much blood it was like a horror movie. Satisfied with what I've done I closed my eyes and the last thing I saw were 2 messages from Ava.
"Are you okay" "ANNSWERRR"