Crazy

#12

"Dennise."

I regretted right after I said it. I regretted it when Mika pushed me away and I caught a glimpse of pain in her eyes. I regretted it when she stood up to leave and I was left there lying on the bed, thinking that I was probably the worst person on earth.

But something inside me told me I did the right thing. I closed my eyes. Why was it the right thing? I had this feeling that I would have hurt her more if it had went on. I would have hurt the both of us.

But did I really have to say Dennise's name? Couldn't I have just said that we should stop? Damn me and my alcohol-infested brain!

I yelped when I felt something cold on my cheek. I didn't even feel Mika sat beside me but she already was, with a basin and wet towel on her hands. She proceeded to wipe it on my face.

I tried to sit up but Mika stopped me.

"Rest."

There was no space for discussion there. So I tried to stay awake even though she was lulling me to sleep. My heart alternated from racing to calm to racing again while she was taking care of me. She washed my face, my neck, my arms, and even helped me change my shirt. That was definitely heart-racing.

I wanted to feel her in my arms again and to kiss her endlessly but unlike earlier, her whole demeanor said she was on guard.

I guessed calling Dennise's name served it's purpose. She didn't want to be with me now. I was thankful of her looking after me even though she probably didn't want to.

I fell asleep with a heavy heart.

02/15/2017

She said when...not if.

I woke up feeling that my head was splitting into two. Ugh. It took me several seconds before the memories of last night came crashing back to me. I suddenly sat up.

Wrong move. My world turned and the pain in my head increased ten folds. When it became bearable, I looked at the other side of my bed searching for any sign that she stayed with me. It didn't seem like it. I sighed.

I am a stupid moron, I thought to myself.

I went to the bathroom to wash up first and erase the lingering taste of alcohol in my mouth even though I didn't want to erase Mika's lingering taste on my lips.

I sighed again. What have I done?

A startling realization hit me as I looked back at how things ended up that way. I haven't been thinking of Den and what happened between us yesterday. I was more worried about Mika than I was hurt because of Dennise.

I didn't know whether to feel thankful or apprehensive because Mika had that kind of effect on me. Thinking of Mika again, I didn't even know I would face her when I see her again.

My shoulders slumped as I made my way out of the bedroom only to be stopped dead in my tracks as I saw Mika preparing the table in my kitchen for breakfast.

"Good morning," she said when she glanced at me for a brief second.

"I-I...Bab-...Mik-..."

"Just say good morning. Enough na 'yun," she said bluntly.

"G-good morning," I said hastily.

"Umupo ka na at kumain."

I looked at the table and saw she cooked some pancakes. I cautiously made my way to her but she went to the sink to wash so I sat instead.