Crazy

#34

07/31/2017

I found her today...

I've exhausted all means possible to find her.

On the day that she left, despite having difficulty to keep my eyes open and on the road, I drove to the airport. She said she was leaving the country so I took my chances there.

I didn't find her.

How could I? There were thousands of people on that place and it was possible Mika was already on board.

A few hours later, she posted in her social media accounts and I had hoped that it would lead me to her. 

It only made her leaving even more final.

On her facebook, she posted a photo of her family saying, "I know, I have been blessed."

On her instagram, she posted a collage of her with most of her friends saying, "You and me have a whole lot of history."

And on her twitter, the one that was painful to see, was a picture of me. It was the picture she took when we went stargazing. It was side-view with the star clearly shown above. "Written in the stars," she captioned.

Her family, her friends, and I, we were her last thoughts. We were her last goodbyes. 

I didn't find her and it broke me then. I cried myself to sleep that day.

Her family asked me to respect her decision not to let anyone know that she was... that she left because she was... leaving this world for good.

I respected that but I searched for her still.

I used every connection I had. I asked for a lot of favors to find out details about Mika's departure from DFA.

She went to Singapore.

I booked a flight as soon as I found out even though I knew how slim the chances were that I was going to find her. I walked the streets of Singapore for a couple of days. I searched to the best of my ability. But it was futile. I also knew that Mika could have ridden the bus from Singapore to cross to Malaysia or Indonesia. Or she could have booked another flight from Singapore to any part of the world.

Even I wasn't influential enough to find out that kind of information from the government of Singapore.

But I didn't give up. I told myself I was going to find her no matter what.

Miko and Jessey helped me in the best way they could.

I, on the other hand, hired private investigators to search for her. I hired a computer/technology specialist to search for traces of her online. If someone was talking about her or if someone spotted her, the specialist was looking. 

I didn't care how much it cost me. I needed to find her.

All the while, I took care of myself and I tried to focus on volleyball during training. Because I knew that's what she wanted. When I find her, I wanted her to see that I tried to be alright for her. I didn't want to worry her more when we're finally together again.

It was hard. Too difficult. 

There were days I cried myself to sleep. There were days I didn't want to get up. There were days when pain and grief were consuming me. There were days I wanted to... die with her.