~Dark Thoughts~
~2017, California~
(Ariella's POV)
I finished the video where Ethan had given a speech about depression. I scrolled down into the comment section and clicked comment. I sighed and began typing. "I'm probably lucky enough if you even glance at this. My name is Ariella Winston. I am 17 years old, turning 18 very soon. I've been suffering from depression for most of my life. I cut myself and I even tried committing suicide twice. But then...I found your videos. They brightened my day. I even stopped cutting for a while. Just for a while though...I just want to thank you so much for helping me." I posted the comment. I sighed and shut my laptop. I walked downstairs to my kitchen and made a grilled cheese sandwich. Once it was done I grabbed a knife and cut the sand which in half. I looked at the knife. I watched as the light made a shine on the knife. I bit my lip and looked at my wrist. It'd been three days....that's a new record... I put the knife to my wrist. Then something played in my mind. "You are special, everyone is important, you will never not matter." Ethan's speech ran through my mind. I sighed and threw the knife in the sink. I walked back upstairs to my room and sat down at my desk. I opened my laptop and typed the password in. I took a bite of my sandwich as the home screen loaded up. I had left YouTube open. I scrolled through the comments, curious as to what others had to say. Then I came across my comment. Ethan had replied. "+AriellaWinston I am so sorry that you suffer from depression, and I am so happy that just my videos can help you. I have never suffered from depression, but I was once sad for a long period of time in my life. Please don't harm yourself." The comment read. I smiled to myself. He actually replied. I logged onto Twitter to see if any of my YouTuber's had posted anything. I had a dm though. It was from Ethan! I clicked on his icon.
CrankGameplays- Hey I don't know if you seen my reply, but I want you to know, you're perfect, you're just as important as anyone else, and most of all...You will never not matter.
I bit my lip as a tear shed from my eye. I began typing back.
WinstonBoii- I did see it, thank you so much. If I won't be judged...I was just about to cut, but you came into my mind and the thought went right away. It was as if I never even had the thought.
He replied almost immediately.
CrankGameplays- Wow...I'm glad that my stupidity can help you like that, and I gave that speech in hopes that I would help people...
WinstonBoii- Well idk about others, but you definitely helped me.
CrankGameplays- I'm happy that I could help...
WinstonBoii- I know that you don't know me, but....can we talk more often? I don't have many friends and the ones that I do have I never see and I feel alone...
CrankGameplays- Of course! I'm here anytime you need me, in fact, if you trust me that much, would you like to meet up?
WinstonBoii- I'd...love that. How about tomorrow at my flat?
CrankGameplays- Sure, you do live in California right?
WinstonBoii- I wouldn't ask you to come to my flat if I wasn't in California. ;P
CrankGameplays- Idk...
WinstonBoii- Here's my address...
I gave him my address and we planned to meet up around 12 PM tomorrow. I lived alone and worked at a coffee company as an intern. I sighed. It was some time around 7 PM. I decided a long shower would help me gather my thoughts. I turned the shower on and removed my clothing. I got into the shower and stayed in there for a good hour. Once I was done. I wrapped my towel around my body and wrapped my other one in my long, blonde hair. I sighed and walked into my room. I picked my pajamas up off of the floor and put them on. I put my other clothes in the hamper. I put on the baggy t-shirt. I decided to just sit around in my underwear, I mean it's not like anyone was here that would care. In fact no one was here. No one was ever here.... I removed my towel from my hair and walked back into my bathroom with my two towels. I hung both of them up and walked back into my room. I opened my laptop once more. I went on YouTube. After watching random videos I found myself watching KickthePj. I sighed and looked at my alarm clock which sat on my bedside table. It was already 10:15. I could get lost in YouTube. I guess you could say it was where I was happy. But deep down, happy was an emotion I didn't have... I shut my laptop and walked over to bed. I sighed and crawled under my covers. Another shitty day...another shitty night... I fell asleep. I didn't have my normal nightmare. I dreamt that I had met Ethan and we became best friends. My eyes jolted open and the beeping sound of my alarm clock. I clicked the button that silenced it and got up. I rubbed my eyes. I had fallen asleep with my contacts in on accident. I walked into the bathroom and took them out. My eyes were bloodshot. I groaned. I put them in their containers and put more contact liquid in them. I sighed and walked to my room. I took my pajamas off and put my undergarments on. Then I put on a jumper with black skinny jeans. I rubbed my sore eyes once more and grabbed my glasses. I put them on. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that it was 11:55. "Didn't I have something to do today? I don't think so." I told myself. I walked into my bathroom and brushed my teeth. It was Sunday, so no school thank god. I opened my cabinet to put my toothbrush and the toothpaste back but a shiny metal object caught my eye. One of my razors... I suddenly snapped. I pulled my sweater sleeves up and grabbed the razor and quickly made three cuts on my arm, they weren't deep. Just on the surface. I made another cut before a bang on the door was heard. "Ariella?" The friendly voice of my favourite YouTuber called. My eyes widened. I did have something to do today. "U-Uh just a second!" I yelled. I quickly grabbed the roll of bandages I had and set them on the sink. I quickly ran the cuts under warm water. I hissed at the pain. I dried them off on my towel and quickly wrapped the bandage around my wrist. I taped it together with bandage tape. I threw the tape and the bandage back in the cabinet. I didn't notice the blood stain on my towel or the bloody razor I had forgotten to put away on the sink... I ran out of the bathroom and ran to the front door. I opened the door and smiled. He smiled. "Sorry I was in the bathroom..." I said. I mean it technically wasn't a lie. He smiled and walked in. He looked around. "Where's your mom and dad?" He asked. "Oh I live alone...they kicked me out." I said. "That's awful." Ethan said. "Yeah.." I said. "Can we talk about you?" Ethan asked. "There's not much about me...I'm just a depressed girl who everyone hates..." I said and sat down on my couch. He sat down with me. "I don't hate you." He said. I smiled slightly. "You're just one person..." I said. "One person can make a difference." Ethan said. I sighed. Tears began welling up in my eyes. I couldn't cry in front of him! I sniffled. "Let it out..." He whispered and wrapped his arm around me. I immediately burst out crying and clung onto him. He hugged me and whispered sweet nothings in my ear. After about 30 minutes of me sobbing, I began calming down. "Hey, I have to use the bathroom." He whispered in a soft and sweet tone. I bit my lip and nodded. He got up to use the bathroom. That's when realization hit me. My eyes widened. I had left the razor on the sink. It was too late. The sound of the door closing was heard. Maybe he wouldn't notice it... The door sounded like it was opened extremely aggressively. Ethan ran into the living room holding the razor. "What's this?" He asked. "I-I-I...E-Ethan I ca-" "Why would you do this to yourself?" He asked. He truly sounded hurt. Maybe someone did care about me. Maybe I was more than God's cruel joke... "Where did you do it?" He asked. I looked into his eyes. They were full of sadness and weren't there normal happy green. They were a dark blue. I slowly lifted up my jumper sleeve and showed him the bandage. I gently took the bandage off. His eyes became more blue as he seen the old scars, newer scars, and fresh cuts. He sat down and held my wrist. He gently ran his thumb over old scars. "Why would you do this to yourself?" He asked. "Because...It helps the pa-'' "It's not helping at all Ariella!" He interrupted me. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Please...don't do this to yourself." Ethan said. I looked up at him. I nodded. "Promise me Ariella.'' He said. "I promise..." I whispered. Even Ethan should've known. Promises are never kept. They will become destroyed along with the person who made the promise...
~2019, California~
Ethan had just left. I walked into the kitchen and went to grab a glass to have some water out of, but as I walked past the knives, I felt a sudden urge. An urge I hadn't felt in a while. This familiar urge was like a drug. I couldn't control my body when I felt it. I grabbed a knife and pulled my yoga pants up to my thighs. I made a small slice on my thigh. Someone knocked. "Ariella? I forgot my phone!" Ethan shouted from the other side of the door. "Shit!" I yelled a bit too loudly. "Ariella you ok?" Ethan asked. I didnt reply. I only rushed to clean up my mess. The door opened. Ethan's face dropped as he seen my pants rolled up with blood dripping down my leg and me putting a bloody knife in the sink. "Ariella..." He said, his voice full of sadness. "Ethan I just felt-" "I'm taking all your sharp items and putting them in a box." Ethan said. "I'm not a child Ethan, I don't need you to treat me like a child!" I yelled. "I'm treating you like a child because you can't be trusted with sharp items!" He yelled. The neighbours surely would be banging on my door. After about 30 minutes of Ethan collecting all my razors, knives, and other sharp items he ducktaped them in a box. I watched as he left with the box. I sighed and closed my eyes. I want a sandwich, but what the hell was I supposed to spread peanut butter with? A spoon? My finger? A fucking fork? I groaned and ran a hand through my hair. Why couldn't I just be a normal person...why couldn't I just have a normal life? I walked into my room and looked at the ceiling fan. I looked at my laptop charger cord. I sighed and shook the though away. I walked into the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet and began doing my business. I washed my hands and opened the cabinets. Several pill bottles were there. Emetics...iBuprofen...Alergy pills... sleep pills...I grabbed the sleep pills and walked into my room. I threw the bottle on my bed. I then walked into my kitchen and got a glass of water. I walked back into my room and opened the bottle. I poured about a quarter of the bottle in my hand. I sighed and looked at the glass. I hope I'm treated better in the afterlife... I put all the pills in my hand, in my mouth and took a gulp of the water. I felt as the huge lump of pills went down my throat. I sighed and layed down on my bed, not caring to clean up the pill bottle or the glass or water that I had dropped on the floor. All I remember was the sound of my door opening and Ethan calling my name.
(Ethan's POV)
I was so worried about getting rid of her sharp items that I forgot my phone again. I opened the door. "Ariella? I forgot my phone again!" I called. No response. "Ariella?" I called. Still no response. Perhaps she was asleep. I walked into her room to see her on her bed and a bottle of sleep pills on her bed and a broken glass on the floor. I quickly ran into her bathroom and ripped her cabinet door open. I grabbed the Emetics and ran into her room. I put two in her mouth and closed her mouth. I rubbed her throat and she swallowed the pills. I quickly carried her into her bathroom and set her down in the shower. I turned the water on and she began throwing up. I sat behind her as she threw up, my clothes getting soaking wet. The sounds of her gagging filled the room. She looked back at me and began crying. I hugged her, not caring if she vomited on me, I just cared that she was ok. "Ethan I'm sorry." She said this over and over again. "It's ok..." I'd whisper back every time. After about an hour and a half or her vomiting she was done. I turned the shower off and I carried her bridal style to her room. She wasn't heavy. I set her down in her bed. I went to leave her room to get a broom to clean up this glass. ''Ethan..." She weakly whispered. I turned around and looked at her. "I love you..." She whispered. "I love you too Ariella..." I said. "No Ethan...I'm in love with you." She said. It took me by surprise. "And I said I love you too." I said and left. I could see her smirk out of the corner of my eye. When I came back in to clean up the glass she was asleep. I stayed there that night, almost every hour going in and checking in on her. "Ethan." Ariella's voice spoke, startling me. I looked over and she was standing with her blanket wrapped around her. "What's wrong?" I asked. "My stomach hurts really badly..." She said. I sighed and patted the seat next to me. She sat down next to me. I wrapped my arm around her and gently rubbed her stomach. After about a half hour she fell asleep. I wasn't far behind her. I hoped she would never do this ever again...and I hoped that she knew...She will never not matter....
Hey guys! Sorry this is so depressing but for some reason I wanted to do a sad one! I can't believe how quickly this story is growing! Thank you so much! I love you all (maybe some more than other- jk XD) Thanks so much for reading, I hope you had or are having a lovely day. If 'tis thou's birthday *inhales* HAPPY B-DAY GUUUUUUUURL! Bai!!! XoXo ~Alex
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CrankGameplays One-Shots (Complete)
FanficThis is a bunch of one-shots about the adorable Smol Bean! We take requests! I am making this book with my good friend @CorinneThePilot go check her out too! UPDATE SCHEDULE: Nothing boii. Read the title it's complete ._. This cover was made by @IA...
