Always💜 (S.M)

6

"I don't even know how to begin to explain.." Bella played with her curls rapidly.

"Shhh... calm down. It's me you can start anywhere. Start from the beginning."

"Well.." she paused. Then Finally got the courage to speak again.

"When I was around 5 years old I was abused by both my parents very seriously. When I was 6 the government required me to go to school and when I didn't show up they sent someone to my house. I heard the knock of the social services lady and ran. I talked so fast and mature for a six year old. Long story short I told her all about the abuse and she took me to a foster home. I spent months in the hospital, I had a fractured skull and burns all over me from my parents.."

"I'm so sorry Bella.." Shawn was interested.

Bella knew that wasn't the worst part.. it was the suicidal part she was mortified by..

"When I went to live with the foster parents I was there until I was almost 8. Then my current Mom and Dad adopted me. I already felt like I was worthless but my adoptive parents helped me realize I wasn't. Then when I was almost 10, my dad died in a horrific car crash. I was back to square one. I was only 10 and I was clinically depressed. I have been depressed up until about a month and a half ago... and.."

It was getting hard to hold back tears. She was choking on each word.

"And what, Bella..." Shawn was so worried.

They stopped walking and stood there. Tears were escaping Bella's eyes and running down her cheeks.

"I've been v-very suicidal, Shawn. I've hurt myself and have attempted to kill my self. I.. I.. have been in the hospital clinging onto life and the sad part is I wished I would lose the fight."

Tears were streaming now and she was sniffling. She could barely talk anymore.

Shawn didn't say anything. He was frozen with shock.

"I know. I'm nuts and this is so embarrassing. I'm going to go thanks for trying to help. I already know I can't be helped.."

She began waking the way they came. Until Shawn spun her around and pulled her into a tender hug.

"Bella I'm so sorry. Shhhh stop crying you're okay. It's okay. I care. I'm going to help."

"S-Shawn can't you see I can't be helped."

"How could someone hurt you like that?!" He was angry but still held onto her gently comforting her.

"Because I deserve it."

She was sobbing into his shirt. He smelled so clean and fresh. She hugged him more tightly than she thought.

"Don't ever say that," he was firm. "you're worth it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

How did he know how to deal with this so perfectly?

Bella was crying so hard and she didn't know why. All she knew was that she was beyond embarrassed but she couldn't stop it.

She began to sink to the floor and Shawn just sunk with her until they were just a pile of arms and legs on the sidewalk. After 5 minutes she started to calm Down and Shawn guided her up.

"Come on, I have my own little cabin. You can rest."

"I'm fine, Shawn. You don't have to help me."

"You're not fine, and I want to help you."

He walked with his arms supporting her back, stabilizing her. She tried to smile at him but found it impossible. When they arrived the bed was unkept and there were clothes lying next to it. He helped her into the bed and put the blankets over her.

"I'm so sorry this had to happen to you of all people, Bella."

"Thank you.."

But in a snap she was asleep.

Shawn locked the door and ran to the administration office to tell them Bella was "very sick and couldn't play the games today." When they wanted to send a nurse he said it was just the 24 hr virus and she wanted to rest. He sprinted back to the room and she woke up around 3 pm. He was watching her trouble eyes as she rested, worrying. He cared about her. He was a good friend.

"I'm sorry." Bella said sleepishly

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

"I've never done this before where I couldn't stop crying. I never realized how much everything affected me. I'm sorry you were around." She said this very apologetic.

"I'm glad I was. I'm glad you weren't alone."

"I have to get dressed. The administrative staff is gonna get pissed." She started to get out of shawns big bed.

"It's already taken care of. And they got Mike to sub for me so I can stay here because you are " very sick"."

She was relieved. Her chest ached and she didn't feel like doing anything.

"I'm going back to my room. You don't have to stay.. go have some fun. Meet a cute girl you can kiss and be a kid, Shawn. I'm not going to burden you."

"You're aren't a burden!!" He was almost yelling.

He hated it when she disrespected herself. He absolutely loathed it.

She stared at him with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry, Bel. I didn't mean to get mad. Don't make yourself seem less than you are. I only want to help you." He grabbed her hand. He hated himself for yelling.

Bella all of a sudden stood.

"Lay. Rest.. bell-"

He was interrupted by a hug. A tight one.
"Thank you... Thank you." Bella's words muffled into Shawn's neck.

He rubbed her back.

"I got you, Bel. I'm going to help you because I want to. You don't know how extraordinary you are and I'm going to help you know."

Bella pulled away and looked him square in the face.

"Thank you."