After Paradise: Book Two • jb

Chapter 20

Diana my little angel...

...Oh, and Justin's, perhaps? 

btw, enjoy this surprise update, make sure to comment a lot for yet another update tomorrow! (which, if you comment a lot, y'all can have an update today, tomorrow and wednesday which is update day! think about that aye!) 

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The darkness in Justin's eyes proved to me that he's been drinking. He wasn't in a right state of mind to show up here which made me question if his actions of coming here were because he wanted to see me or because the alcohol had somewhat fooled him. 

"What are you doing here?" I asked, afraid of the answer I would get in return. All of this had me wanting to disappear through the earth, to not have to face him like this. 

Justin chuckled and then stumbled a few steps forward. I was quickly in front of him to catch him, to make sure he didn't hurt himself as he tried to get closer to me for each step. Something told me that his sober mind would never have gotten here. I still offered him to stay. In fact, I was too afraid to let him go home like this. He might end up hurt or in trouble. It wouldn't be the first time, I've read all about it. His previous life as a drunk and an arrogant asshole. I never believed those tabloids, mainly because I have never known him as that. He was always so nice to me that those headlines of him had never made any sense to me. 

"You need rest," I told him, trying to sound as calm as possible whilst in reality, I was freaking out by the fact that he was here. It had been a whole week without him in touch with me, now suddenly he reappears with a whisky bottle. He shook his head and took a step closer to me. I noticed the bottle in his left hand. I quickly got my hands on it, slowly lifting it away from his body as he complained quietly. I tried my best to help him even though he was fighting me off. "It's what's best, stop."

He groaned and sat down on my bed. Once again, I could smell the alcohol almost as if it would be his cologne and his eyes seemed utterly disappointed with how I treated this situation. I didn't know if it was because I took away his whisky bottle or if it was because I was here. I could imagine both being a disappointment for him. 

"You need to sleep," I told him again. He didn't listen this time either.

"Why didn't you fight for me?" Justin's words were barely clear. He was speaking unusually slowly and was slumbering his words. I still heard him though and it broke my heart into thousands of pieces to hear him say that sentence. Still, I acted like it wasn't my fault for letting us go that night. 

So I furrowed my eyebrows to prove my confusion, "What do you mean? You didn't want me there."

"You have never listened to me before, why start now?" He made an attempt to laugh but ended up coughing instead. I stood frozen, paralysed. It hadn't hit me that he wanted me to fight for him. I heard him loud and clear when he told me to get out, I thought he meant those words. I was thrown out of his house and I assume he wanted it that way because if it would have been the opposite, I would have done the same thing. Nothing is worse than what I did. I lied about things you are not allowed to lie about. 

I apologised but I didn't know for which part. Maybe all of it. 

Justin looked at me with hurt eyes. His big brown eyes had turned dark from the alcohol but somewhere deep inside, they were still begging me for attention. Begging me for help. He was desperate. Nothing made sense in my head as I imagined him sitting by himself, grieving over the loss of me while in reality, it was his fault from the start. I did what he told me though I didn't want to. I left him when he told me too, I didn't want to. I just thought he hated me. After everything I had done, I couldn't see the possibility of him not to.