After Paradise: Book Two • jb

Chapter 23

omfg, I just miswrote "23" and wrote "32" instead fml, I almost cried when I realised there's not even going to be a chapter 32 and this story is ending within 7 chapters, God kms.

//

I watched as Justin clenched his jaw. Strangely, it turned me on but I was in no position to tell him so currently. I could tell by the look on his face that it was his least bit of worry right now.

We were watching the second episode of Paradise Hotel together.

He had shown up at the hotel and I had talked about him behind his back, talking about how bratty he seemed to be and that I was nowhere interested in selling myself and my body out like all those other girls had done.

I know we both made promises not to look at this program unless we were together but sitting here beside of him while he got to see things he would have never known unless they would show it now, made me uncomfortable. I said things and did things I'm not proud of, in this program, and I know it has come to bite me in the ass now. It'll ruin things between the two of us even though we promised each other it wouldn't.

Then again, it's not my fault. We said to let whatever happened in the past and if he can't handle my past then maybe it's not meant to be after all.

I have fought for us now, though.

And especially since this afternoon. We had been strangely silent about the situation that happened earlier. I wasn't sure what to feel about the set-up he did on me so I wasn't sure what to say either if I would bring it up. I needed him to trust me but for that to happen, I needed to trust him too. He can't walk around and put me in situations like that on purpose. I was actually uncomfortable during those moments with his friend and to believe he would want to put me through that purposely just leaves me thinking what other things he could do to make me prove myself.

I needed to prove myself without his help and certainly not any traps he would put up only to wish to see me fail. It didn't add up why he would do that. It never occurred to him that he would put himself through pain too if I wouldn't have been loyal in that situation?

Well then again, it's Justin. He always wants to be a step ahead even if that means being hurt by something in the process. Unfortunately, that's how he works.

I was beginning to feel like an outsider. I wanted to get in but something, someone, was holding me back. I think there was something about this life that he didn't want to tell me. Something he was keeping away from me. I wonder if it's about the money, fame or if it's something completely else he's purposely forgetting to talk to me about.

Nonetheless, I know he's hiding something. And I am determined to find out what exactly that could be.

It would be too obvious if I asked so instead I will simply let his secrets relieve themselves to me in time. I know from own experiences that secrets never stay secrets, the truth is always exposed somehow. And I thought Justin would have learnt that by now too.

"That's an unfair statement," I heard him mutter as I said something on the TV screen which he hadn't heard in the moment, in the paradise. Goddamn it, all those things I've said or done was supposed to stay in there. The angles they had been filming from made me understand why I hadn't seen the cameras from the inside. It was from roofs, walls, secret places and looked like security cameras. They have really made sure we didn't know anything about this.

I cleared my throat, "You know I don't mean any of this today. I didn't know you back then."

"So what made you think it was okay for you to talk shit about me when you didn't know me?" I wasn't looking at his face but I could tell he rolled his eyes at me. Immature as he was, Justin was probably more than frustrated with me right now. His promises about not getting mad at me were thrown out the window a long time ago and I decided we had both seen enough.