After Paradise: Book Two • jb

Chapter 27

can't believe there's only three chapters left like hello, what's going on?????? how did this happen????? jiana are you really leaving us?????? hmmm... 

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They say scars disappear within time but I personally think that's a lie. Diana had not been in touch yet and it's been several days. In fact, three days to be a perfectionist. Which I usually find myself to be.

Love is built on longing and endure but why is it that each time I close my eyes, all I can see is Diana pressed against my body, as close as she could possibly be, and I still try and pull her closer? I know it's not going to work but it gives me some kind of affection, a trustworthy feeling. I can feel her there but as quickly as I open my eyes to look into hers, she's gone.

I know she's gone because she's not with me physically, yet. 

She has yet to call me. Yet to tell me she forgives me or that she no longer thinks I have cheated on her.

I had multiple missed calls. In fact, there are several people who have tried to reach out to me but each time my phone started vibrating I let it ring. I let it ring until the person stopped calling. Sometimes it was one try, others tried more than once. It didn't change the fact that I spoke to no one. I wasn't interested in hearing anyone's voice, except for Diana's, of course. 

I don't know what exactly I had expected but it wasn't this silence. I was thinking more of a begging, for me to take her back. Perhaps at least a sorry speech, about how she believed and trusted my manager over me. I kept imagining myself telling her the truth again and how she would reject me, which is why I am waiting for her to come to me. It doesn't seem to be working. 

I had planned to get out of the house. Take a shower and actually get out for once. Not because I needed to buy food or because I wanted to go to the studio or office, I wanted to go to Diana's office. Her job. See her in person and talk to her, tell her that she was wrong. I was going to make her call Scooter and he would tell her the truth. 

It was a decision I made a few hours ago and ever since, I have been caught up in trying to fix myself to look presentable. These past days of talking to no one, spending the days in my bed and staring at the wall, hasn't done my appearance that great. I even used a deodorant and cologne to make myself smell better. Diana had always said she had a thing for my cologne, maybe that could trick her to crawl back into my arms.

However, I was willing to try anything. 

It felt weird to be nervous about seeing her. I had not felt this nervous about seeing her face since the entry of the paradise. It's strange to think I still get those butterflies around her but this time it was not the good kind of ones. Usually, I would be happy when I see her and have that happy nervous feeling but now I felt disgustingly nervous, almost as if I were about to ask her out and I was fearing she would reject me.

Well, that's kind of the situation.

I should just go there, make her understand that I didn't cheat on her and tell her all the reasons as to why she should be with me and not anyone else. I want somebody who makes me laugh and cry at the same time, someone who pleases me both in bed and outside of it and the only person who I could think of is Diana. She makes me crazy but a good crazy, a happy kind of crazy. 

There was no way I would leave her office without her by my side so I had nothing to fear. I don't know why three days apart would make her change her mind either. It's not like it's been ages since she told me she wanted to spend her life with me, since she showed me how serious she was about us. I don't believe we could be over because we were just telling each other how much we loved one another and that can not have changed within a few small days. It didn't make sense.