Imperfect Perfection (Sequel to The Light in the Dark)

Favorite Boys

When Zach leaves to get Tyler around two and the house is empty, I sit on the couch curled up in my sweatpants with a cup of tea.

I sigh outwardly and close my eyes. A high chance? Exactly what kind of chance is that supposed to be?

I turn on an old movie that has been out close to forever. I remember watching it once with Ginny as a kid. Ginny. Why do the worst things happen to the best people?

I hear the click of keys turning on the nob. I stand up and speed walk over to the bathroom. I sit against the wall, crying. Tyler couldn't see me like this. I had to be strong for him but I could do that now.

"Holly?" Zach asks throughout the house. I wipe under my eyes with my fist and cough out the knot forming in my throat.

"I'm in here." I respond but my voice is broken.

"Go play in the living room." I can hear Zach telling Tyler. The little patter of feet tell me he didn't have to be told twice. "Holly?" Zach knocks a little on the door of the bathroom.

"Sorry forgot to lock it." I say quietly wiping my eyes again as he pushes open the door.

We didn't live in a big house, even if we could afford it. Instead we decided on a small house, one we only needed.

Zach shuts the door quietly behind him and walks over to me.

"Come here." He says crouching beside of me and putting both his arms around me.

"I'm okay." I whisper.

"No you aren't." Zach pulls away holding me by my shoulders. "Your a mess." I laugh a little as he wipes under my eyes with his knuckle.

"Thanks." I laugh lightly.

"But you're my mess." He says in a singing voice and kisses my forehead. "Don't worry about it." He whispers. "God has a way of making things work in ways we least expect it."

I remember the days I read the bible. The one that Zach had given to me all those years ago. The one that was on a shelf in my room. I still read it sometimes. Just random stories; not in a specified order.

I close my eyes and rap my fingers on my knee.

"Come here." Zach says scooping me up into his arms bridal style. I don't fight him but I laugh a little and put my head on his shoulder. I couldn't remember the first time he'd done this before.

I do remember the first time he'd kissed me though. Sitting on the bench swing in our garden. I could smell the magnolias and the wood around us like it was the only thing I'd ever known. When we'd pulled apart and I ran a single hand through my hair I could feel strands of it break free of my scalp

The next day he'd gone with me just to cut it all off. I didn't let it grow out into chemo fuzz. I didn't want that. He went every single time.

"You should take a nap. You'll feel better." Zach lays me in the bed and kisses my temple.

"Wait." I say grabbing his wrist before he goes. "Bring Tyler in here. I promised him we could watch that new Lily and Pug episode."

I didn't know what Lily and Pug was or why it amuses Tyler, but we always watched it together.

"You sure?" Zach asks me.

"Yeah you can come in here too." I laugh. Zach returns it and leaves. He comes back a minute later seconds after Tyler does.

"Lily and Pug!" Tyler screams and jumps on the bed. For his age, he knew how to use the remote with ease. "What channel is it on again?"

"172" I laugh as he curls up to me. Zach sits on the bed beside of us and crosses his arm over Tyler and around my shoulder.

It's the moments like these when they could keep me together. When my two favorite boys in the world could sit beside of me and just make me okay. At least for now.

I didn't think about my daughter or her diagnosis. I just looked down at Tyler, cute as can be snuggled between me and Zach. My first every boyfriend and the first person other than Kacy to care.

"I love you guys." I say kissing Tyler on the head.  "My two favorite boys."