Growing Up With Him- Conor Maynard Fan Fic

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I just sit on the swings, remembering everything that's happened in 18, almost 19, years of living.

I end up waking by the school, by my old house and Conor's, where our parents live. I want to go inside but I don't.
I go to the old park Conor, Jack and I would always play at when we were younger. My eyes tear up from the memories.
I don't know where I walk but I just do.

It starts to get dark out, I guess I've been out or a while now. There's no where to go but "home".
I drive back to Conor and mine's shared house. His car is home so he's already inside. I get out the car and prepare myself to walk inside. I debate for a second, rather to just leave or go back in.
Just do it Sam. Open the door and see your loving and supportive boyfriend. I notice there are other cars in the drive way. I turn the knob and open the door. I feel so many eyes on me. Conor comes rushing over and hugs me.
"Where have you been?" He whispers into my ear. I don't answer. I see Jack, Zoe, Joe, Oli, Josh, Caspar, Mikey, Alfie, Tanya and Jim.
"We've all been worried sick. Why haven't you answered your phone?" Zoe asks. I don't want to answer questions. I pass by everyone and head up to our bedroom.
"Conor, let her be." Jack says from behind me. I close the bedroom door and sit up against it and let everything out again. I look at my wrists, not regretting it at all. If Conor found out it would crush him. I can't imagine what it would do to him. I decide to slip into my bed clothes and call it a night cause I don't wanna face them and tell them what and where I've been. I shut my eyes.
~~~
Next morning.
Conor's not in the bed with me. Everything is how I left it last night.
I put on leggings and a long sleeved dark red crop top with black flats.
I wonder if I should go downstairs or just slip out the window or lock myself in my room.
I open the bedroom door and walk out. I look down the balcony and see Jack, Conor and Joe have slept over. I guess Conor heard me cause he woke up and looked at me from downstairs. He doesn't have any looks, just a look of what do I do.