Judith [small caps intended]

chapter 21

judith,

i went to school and i've been absent for two weeks since i wanted to be alone.

i went to school and nobody asked me what happened or if i was okay.

sure, there was some and this just shows that they just want a casual talk.

they'd just say, what happened?

my aunt died, i said flatly, as if i didn't feel the pins pricking my heart a million times. i gulped.

how?

and i know i have to lie.

cardiac arrest. 

successfully, i actually convinced them.

they just said, oh then they never bothered to talk to me after that.

what i wanted to tell them was "don't go. i need someone to understand me." i wanted to reach them and wrap my arms around them and they'd pat my head. and they won't even bother if i wet their shirt. that's what i need right now.

i want them to say that everything will be alright even though that won't make a big difference.

i want them to tell me that i was just dreaming and the solution is waking up.

i want someone to tell me that i was in a coma for two weeks when i woke up.

and i though, will i be just like my aunt? people will ask. they'll remember you for maybe five minute tops and they'd just forget all about you.

but through time, they knew what really happened.

i hate to see pity in their eyes.

they just know me as the girl who's aunt has commtted suicide.

lovingly yours,

tori