Judith [small caps intended]

chapter 8

judith,

 

 

 

"why?" was the first thing that came to my mind. 

why do you have to do that? i went in my room, still the book in my hand. i went in my room and threw the book at the wall.

"this is all your fault." i bursted into tears as i blamed the freaking book. stupid right? i can't accept this. i knew at that second that it was me. my fault. i was in denial.

the truth hurts. it really is.

i felt so disgusted when i see the book. the smell that came from the book makes me gag...until now.

i didn't finish the book. my favorite goddamn book. the same day when you, judith, died. and i know it'll stay at page 7 just the way that you'll stay with yours. you weren't supposed to leave but you did.

 

just like this book, i've abandoned. just like what you've done with me, abandoned. 

just like the book that looks so disgusting now. just like me.

and then i knew that i wasn't enough. it's easy to kill yourself when you know i'm so worthless. useless and everything.

those hard work that i've done. was it really hard work? i don't really know. 

the only thing that stayed in my mind. 

 

 

"were we not enough to make you stay?"

 

 

 

lovingly yours, 

tori