Judith [small caps intended]

chapter 22

judith,

 

 

 

your burial was the worst day of my life.

 

 

you should've known how hard it was for me to hack and wheeze as i see you inside that cathedral.

 

see the irony? you, inside a cathedral?

i told myself that i will never go back to the place ever again. especially the place of your waking. 

i almost got crazy and i still tried my best to read the freaking book! it took me 2 weeks and guess what? i'm in page 36 and i never moved there. all around me, i can hear people crying and mourning for you while you lay there, motionless. 

you know what? i had this little hope inside me that even though weeks had passed, you might wake up.

 

why, my relatives were shocked when they saw people that they didn't recognize in the area. 

they told them their story and they said that you, judith, help them. gave them money and all. 

you are very generous to them that you helped them without even knowing who they are. well, that's you , judith. we have our differences after all. i am a self-centered person while you are selfless.

 

anyways, the burial.

you know how much i cried when they gave out their speeches? 

" judith, if you can hear us now , i want you to know how much you were such a blessing for us. you were that kid who hated to play with dolls and choose trains over them. you acted like a boy. you were always there for us and you like to be sarcastic all the time. you're very quiet yet, your jokes are too funny ,if you know what i mean. at this point, we were all shocked that you died in your 30's and we felt this deep emptiness when you left us. you passed away peacefully and all of us is here today to say our goodbyes. i love you , judith. someday, i tell you. we will meet again, sister. i will meet you with my arms wide open. i miss you and i love you."

 

when the speech was done, i can't walk steadily so i need someone to assist me as we left the cathedral.

"ma, auntie. i miss her. ma, i can't do this. what if auntie wakes up when she's already buried? that's possible,right?" i was starting to have difficulty in breathing and i hacked as if i have asthma. it was too painful to bare.

my mom looked down in depression and she too, had tears streaming down her face, "she's not dead. she's just sleeping. she's just in a vacation. that, inside the coffin is just a sculpture of her."

 

i cried more since i heard my mom's voice crack. i know she's lying and i shook my head as tears fell from my face to the point on my chin. "if she's in a vacation, will i ever see her again?will i even wake up from this nightmare? ma, it really hurts too much that i can't take it. auntie took me with her, as well and i want it back." the next thing i knew is that i was already spacing out as i knelt beside the grave of my aunt.

 

 

 

lovingly yours,

tori