To my happy camper
*
So what you leave me behind?
I don't matter anymore
All that time I waited by your hospital bed
Waiting not even sure that you'd wake up.
Hoping for fucking months that you'd get better.
Spending my time terrified that I'd never hear your voice again.
Stupid really now you've woken you still dont seem to want to talk to me...
We were fine for a week or so and now what...
all the time I spent with you
And all that time I cried
the times I spent beside your bed
I waited by your side
Your heart beat like a metronome
I could recite it even when I wasn't there
And I waited whilst you safely slept
Made sure i combed your hair.
I know that used to matter to you
"how you present yourself is gold"
I sat by your hospital bed
Hoping you wouldn't grow cold.
I was terrified But when you woke up,
things didn't go back to how they were before.
Maybe I was selfish to think that they would,
But i didn't think you wouldn't need me anymore.
*
I don't want to loose you now, but i can't see a way of stopping it.
***
To my catch buddy
*
So what you leave me behind?
I don't matter anymore
All that time I spent with you arguing for the sake of it
shouting not even sure why.
Hoping for fucking months that things would get better.
Spending my times terrified that I'd hear you yelling about nothing again.
Stupid really now you're gone I still dont seem to want to talk to anyone else...
I was fine for a week or so fine for a week or so and now what...
Yeah I'll admit that
Even after fighting you
I forgot how much I need you there
in most things that I do.
I ddn't know how much it would matter to me
That no-one get's my family guy jokes
And how much I hate that dinner time
is just a rant from my old folks
I hate missing you
Because I'd never thought I would
And when everythings falling apart
I couldn't tell you then but now I wish I could.
and I miss spending five minutes with you
Before you go to some sort of sport
And laughing about something stupid in the evenings
I miss my familiar un-noticed support.
and I supposed I never really knew how much you mattered to me
***
To my one shot of heroin.
*
So what, are you going to leave me behind?
I don't matter anymore.
All that time I waited.
Waiting not even sure that you'd.... forget it
Hoping for fucking months that we'd get better not worse.
Spending my times misserable that I'd never hear your voice tell me "that" again.
Stupid really now you've come back you still dont seem to want to talk to me...
We were fine for a month or so and now what...
I forget and thats all I do
but of course "the thing is" that
I spend all my time and I cant get better
than the state that I'm at
I cant forget the words
beleive me I wish I could
But why would you beleive me
Ofcourse I lie more than you ever would
But you told me the truth
And I appreciate that of you
I tell you what I can
I'd like to say you do the same too.
Even when I'm gone I don't
think I could forget you
And please do what you can for me
Forget me now, as I'm sure I never will return the favour
I don't want to loose you, and I always want you to be happy, but I know its selfish...but I want to be happy too...but I'm not right now.
***
to the girl under the hat
*
So what, you're going to leave me behind?
I don't matter anymore?
All that time I waited to find you.
Waiting not even sure that I would
Hoping for fucking months that you'd get better not worse.
Spending my times terrified of the things you told people.
Stupid really now I've found you, I don't really like what I've found, are you really like this?
We were fine for a month or so and now what...
Tick by bloody tick
These words are slightly closer to home
And i forgot i told you that...
oh i guess i'll just run away alone
Why do you cry so much
I hate how I can't stand you anymore
I can't stand the way you look
or the voice you speak with
She may tell you it sounds good
But you know she's different and it's not true
You may be beautiful when you want to be,
But you dont want to be anymore
And please forgive me
as I know I can never forgive you
And never forget how much i love and hate
Everysingle thing that you do
We used to be so close,
What happened?
***
I loose so many people
I miss them all so much
