Fear of Losing Control (Book #1 in the Infinity Chronicles)

Chapter 17 Imprisoned

"What was that?" I ask Loki, "What did he do to me?"

Loki and I are now in a cell, somewhere in Thanos' layer. Loki sits beside me, his shirt still off, revealing a now scarred chest.

"He tapped into your mind," Loki explains, still a little breathless from the torture, "He took your biggest fears and made them real."

"Snakes and bugs," I say softly.

"What?"

"When I was little, a snake swallowed my pet hamster-"

"Hamster?"

"Yeah, and then I was also always afraid of bugs."

"A snake swallowed your hamster?"

"Yeah. Which is kinda funny that he used that memory against me because I'm actually not afraid of snakes."

I laugh shakily trying to make myself feel better.

"But that wasn't all was it?" Loki asks as if he can read my mind.

I don't respond but instead close my eyes so as to erase that memory, but it is still there.

"Sigyn," Loki says softly and awkwardly puts a hand on my shoulder.

"My parents," I tell him, "He used my parents against me. They are my biggest fear."

Loki doesn't respond but instead slightly rubs my shoulder.

"When I was young, my mom was an alcoholic. My dad never did anything about it. He never stopped her when she yelled or pointed a knife at me. It was like they didn't care. So after I turned seventeen, I ran away. I should have left sooner, but I didn't want to end up in the foster system."

Loki is silent and continues to rub my shoulder as silent tears come pouring down my face.

"I'm sorry," he says.

I wipe my tears and say, "What about you?"

"What about me."

"The way you are treated. The way the torture seemed to do more to you than it should have. What are you?"

"I'm a monster," he says stiffly.

"No," I say and try to comfort him, "I didn't mean like that. I just meant why are you so different? In a good way."

Loki scoffs and says, "No, I really am a monster. You're right, I'm not Asgardian. I'm a frost giant. I was taken in by Odin when I was an infant. That's why the heat from the torture chamber was worse than it should have been. Frost giants hate heat. Yes, I am different. But no, not in a good way."

I don't know what to say. I already knew what a frost giant was, Thor explained it to me. But him. He is so alone because of what he is.

"It's not your fault," I say softly.

"It's not my fault that I attacked Midguard? Oh, I think it is," he spat, and leaned in close to me, "You think that I'm not a monster. But deep inside, I'm a demon. And there's nothing you can do about it! Not Thor not you, not anyone can change that!"

My heart is pounding. His face is inches away from mine, and he pretends to be furious at me. But I know he is not. He his angry at himself. He hates himself.

I am not afraid of him, I am afraid for him.

After a moment his piercing eyes soften and he backs away.

Nothing more is to be said. I can't change the way he views himself. I may get him to be happier, but I will never get him to forgive himself.