Time to escape

The talk

I sat on my bed crying when my mom came in.

" renes? what's wrong why are you crying? "

I couldn't say anything between the tears. they keep on rolling down my jaws. she lifted my head up and looked in my eyes. her eyes where warm and lovely. she doesn't know but I loved when she does that, it gave me the feeling I wasn't alone anni wasn't. she would always need there for me.

" I'm scared mom ... "

I finally said. she rapped her arms around me and give me a long hug. so warm, so save.

" I will always be here with you Renes, I know it's hard to forget what happened and I know you will never forget it. but you are so strong and that's what's important. don't let anything break you ever again! "

those words made me stop crying, I don't know why but she made me stronger. my mom let go of me and rubbed with her thumb over the scar at my jaw and kissed it afterwards. I saw how she said sorry in herself after she kissed my jaw. she got up and walked at my bedroom door  to leave

" I love you mom "

I quickly said before she closed the door

" I love you too "

I don't know if she need to know that Phil founded me. no. she doesn't need to know, not now. I eventually stopped completely with crying and got to the bathroom. there was something my mom didn't know about me. when I opened the closet I lifted up the last towel and picked up the blazer that I putted there. I know my mom wouldn't found it there because nobody actually uses the last towel. it's ironic how it hurts when you hit your toe to the table ore when you got a paper cut. but when I cut myself it doesn't hurts. it actually relieves me from the pain I feel inside. nobody knows I cut myself, I really do everything to hide it. I put the blazer against my wrist. 1 cut, 2 cuts, 3 cuts, 4. please just 1 more? 5 cuts, 6 cuts, seven cuts, 8. look what a mess I made. finally I past out on the floor with blood dripping from the tub to the floor.