Chapter 2:
Going to school today is something I'm dreading. I am not prepared for Stephanie and her bitch squad. I can already tell tat they just aren't going to let me live down yesterday's events.
I peel up the bandage on my arm to check its healing progress. It looks a lot better than yesterday, but not as healed as it should be considering I dug my finger into it not even an hour after causing it.
"Belle, get your ass up, even though we both know you need your beauty sleep. No wonder you don't have a boyfriend. Look at you, you are a disgrace to this family." My mother screams at me from my doorframe causing my eyes to burn with the tears I am holding back. If I cry in front of her, I know she will use that as an excuse to further torment me.
"Okay mother." I say under my breath, just waiting for her to leave.
She screams a little more than storms out, and slams the door behind her.
I don't know how I'm not used to this considering it is my everyday wake up call.
I force myself out of bed and slowly make my way to my closet, avoiding any mirrors. It's as if even my reflection torments me. I honestly feel like if mirrors could talk, mine would just laugh at me.
I pick out a pair of ripped blue jeans, and a slightly oversized hoodie. I put my hair in a high ponytail to keep it out of my face, letting my bangs hang loose.
What if I just didn't go to school, just ran away, or even killed myself. The skank squad would finally feel even a slight bit of emotion other than bitch. My mother probably wouldn't notice anyways.. No. I can't, I refuse to let them know they win.
I don't wear makeup, don't even bother looking at the stuff. My mom bought me so much that I feel like a clown even imaging myself with it on.
I think the only reason I am forcing myself to go to school is so I can see Aaron. I know he probably thought nothing of yesterday, but yesterday was probably the best day of my life. Pathetic as it may sound. Aaron is the only thing in this world holding me together. But he doesn't even know it. It is so frustrating as well, when he doesn't talk to me I can't even get mad. He is like a puppy that peed on the carpet, I can't get mad, he doesn't know why it is so bad, why it hurts me so much.
I don't eat breakfast, why would I?
I make my way to the door and find my mom I blocking my way.
"You were the worst mistake of my life." She slurs pointing a wobbly finger at me. Great, she is drunk.
I don't respond. I just wait for her to move.
"Why don't you just kill yourself already" those words make me feel nauseous and repeat in my head like a song the entire bus ride.
I take one step on school property and am greeted by the lovely Stephanie.
"Oh no!" Steph's voice makes me cringe.
"What?" I say trying to sound uninterested.
"Did you catch on fire? It looks like someone tried to put it out with a fork or something." She says, disgust dripping off of every word and is backed up with the blonde of the groups finishing touch "ssssssss burn... Literally..".
I don't respond, I just try to push past them and get to my locker, but of course, it's not that easy.
"Oh, and I heard someone talk about your little... 'Accident' yesterday in science. It would be a shame if people started thinking it was because of drugs or something along those lines." And I know that's a threat "also, that Aaron kid is pretty cute. Stay away from him now you little whore, okay?" She says it like a question even though I know its, again, a threat with a smile so obviously fake it is sickening.
My mind starts screaming for help, my knees start to feel weak, I need to get away as quickly as I can before they see get a chance to see me cry. I can't even hold myself together with the thought of that. Never seeing him again, this is a nightmare come true.
I run away followed by everyones staring and silent judgement.
I get to the bathroom, slam the stall shut, sit on the seat, hug my knees tightly against my chest and sob silently to myself. My backpack keeps me from falling into the toilet, can you imagine that, me falling into the toilet, I would actually be nothing more than a worthless piece of shit.
I have a rule, I am not allowed to cut again until the previous cut is healed, but I can't stop myself this time. I am able to find the blade with ease this time and everything around me blurs. I feel myself sink lower and lower into a never ending sea of black, the only light visible from the blade. I pull up the sleeve of my sweater and don't even take a moment to stare at my arm before I start.
I put the blade to my arm and start applying pressure, it glides through my skin so easily, as if it was made to do so. I lift the blade from my skin and instead of bandaging my arm and cleaning the blade like usual, I find myself cutting again, this time, deeper. I can't control it, I am numb to everything but the blade. My pain refusing to seep out along with the stream of crimson. I feel my my cheeks sting from my tears, but I can't stop.
I cut once more and then I find my self in a ball on the floor. The blade at least half a foot away from my hand and everything starts going black. Every time I close my eyes the world around me gets darker. I try to keep my eyes open but the darkness starts to consume me. Maybe this is it, maybe I have finally done it, maybe this is the end.
My eyes are closed and refuse to open again leaving me in endless dark.
I barely hear the door of the bathroom open and someone scream.
YOU ARE READING
One More Time
Genç KurguI thought no one liked me, until someone did. Maybe this cut will be the last.