K I N G

o n e

"I had two longings and one was fighting the other. I wanted to be loved and I wanted to always be alone." - Jean Rhys

Todd's POV
Todd laid his head against his desk and stared absentmindedly out the window. He paid no mind to Mr. Rogers's lecture on derivatives or whatnot. His mind was more preoccupied with the horrid family dinner he was forced to attend this Saturday. His brother Jeffrey was coming back home from college and his parents wanted Todd to be there to see him. Todd sighed as he remembered the phone call he had had with his mother.

Todd wondered what his parents could have been calling him for. An excited grin played on his lips at the thought of them calling to ask about his year so far at Hellton and about his newfound friends.

"Todd sweetie? Is that you?" His mother's voice sounded through the phone.

"Yeah Ma, it's me."

"How's school darling?"

"Well actually it's been--"

"That's great Todd, but listen, your brother Jeffrey is visiting from Chicago! We're having a family dinner Saturday and I've gotten permission for you to come," she cried out in delight.

"Oh," Todd mumbled hollowly.

"And guess what? He's bringing a girl back home too! Isn't that exciting?"

"Yeah Ma that's great. Listen, I gotta get back to class."

"Okay swee--"

Todd roughly hung up the phone and rested his forehead against the wall. Bitter disappointment spread within him like a wildfire as he felt his throat closing up and traitorous tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. Of course they'd called about Jeffery. It was never about him, always Jeffery. Todd inhaled shakily in attempts to calm himself. He refused to go back to class red-eyed because he'd been bawling like a baby.

Todd swallowed thickly, trying to squash down more than just the lump in his throat. 

Todd once again sighed deeply as he recalled the event. Luckily the bell rang and Todd was the first out of his seat. He ignored the confused calls of Charlie and Knox as he rushed from the classroom.

"Toddy, what's your rush?" Charlie called out.

"I gotta go to the library," he spoke over his shoulder.

With Todd's attention focused on Charlie, he didn't notice Neil standing by the stairwell waiting for him.

"Woah Todd, where ya going?" Neil asked as he grasped Todd's arm to keep him from walking away.

"The library," Todd said curtly before blowing past Neil.

"What's wrong with him?" Todd heard Neil ask Knox and Charlie.

He didn't hear their response and frankly didn't care. His skin was itching, burning even. Todd needed nothing more than to get out of this stifling school. He needed to be alone. So Todd decided he'd go down to the cave to get some peace.

Todd rubbed his arms as the cold air pierced through him. He felt chilled to bone for the jacket of his uniform did little to fight off the oncoming winter. He sniffled and rubbed his nose with the back of his hand. No doubt he'd probably have a cold by the end of the night, but he trudged on until he came to the cave. Silently, he slipped into the cavern and sat on its rocky floors. The wind whistled through the cave and Todd found, despite no longer in its mercy, he was still very cold. The tips of his fingers had began to turn red and his nose ran like a faucet. Todd rubbed his hands together and tucked them underneath his armpits in attempts to warm them.

Todd was alone, only accompanied by the sounds birds and the wind. Todd had a bad taste in his mouth as he suddenly wished he wasn't anymore. He liked being by himself, but that didn't mean he enjoyed the isolation. That kind of pain didn't go away. Todd often found himself awake at night with wounds still stinging from being alone. He wanted to joke with Charlie and study with Meeks. Todd wanted to be walking with Neil to their next class together.  A strange warmth bubbled in his stomach as he pictured Neil in his mind.

If there was one word he'd use to describe Neil with, it would be bright. His laughter, his smile, his eyes. Neil was a brilliant flame that drew everybody in like moths. People held their breaths when he spoke, looked to him for confirmation. Todd was jealous of that. He wished to be more like Neil...he wished Neil was here with him now.

Todd flushed red at the direction his thoughts were heading. It was not the first time Todd wanted Neil with him and him alone, away from the others. Of course they were roommates and he had the pleasure of seeing Neil in ways many didn't. And despite his wish to be more assertive, Todd's shy nature did have its merits. He saw things no one else did. Things he was sure no one wanted him to really know. Lately Todd noticed how dim Neil's smiles have become. No longer did Neil's pearly white teeth glimmer nor dimples show. His face would stretched so widely it looked almost unnatural, like a clown's face. Something didn't settle right within Todd as he also noticed how those fake smiles were becoming more common.

Todd's thoughts were interrupted as he heard some leave rustling and the unmistakable sound of footsteps. Todd stiffened as his mind raced for excuses to give for his strange behavior. Todd dug his nails into his palms as the footsteps grew closer and closer. Todd tensed when he saw a male figure standing  by the mouth of the cave.

"There you are!" Neil shouted. "I've been looking everywhere for ya. Whatcha doing out here in cold for?"

Todd released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "You were looking for me?"

"Of course I was looking for you. You got me all worried from running off like that. It isn't like you to skip class."

Todd shuffled uncomfortably as heat once again flooded his face. He hoped Neil would pass off his red face from the cold.

"You were worried about me?"

"Of course I was!" Neil said, sounding affronted that Todd would suggest otherwise. "What kind of friend would I be if I wasn't?"

Todd said nothing, but he couldn't contain the joyous smile that bloomed across his face from hearing those words. Neil cared about him. Neil shivered from the cold of the cave and blew on his gloved hands for warmth. Without warning, he reached out and trapped Todd's hands between his own. Todd tensed slightly, but didn't pull away. He rather liked the feeling of Neil's long fingers and warm palms encasing his own.

"Geesh, you're as cold as ice Todd."

Neil gently rubbed his hands over Todd's to produce some heat. Todd's face turned even redder and he knew by the mischievous glint in Neil's eye he could no longer pass it off as the cold. Then, suddenly, Neil turned serious. His dark brown eyes bore into Todd's blues one with an expression Todd couldn't place. However, it was deeply intimate, as if they were staring into each others' souls. A small, soft smile formed on Neil's face, and Todd found his breath hitching at the sight. This was the first real smile Neil had given in a long time.