K I N G

t w e n t y - s e v e n

"Loving and losing: different only by one letter and a million degrees of pain." -Jessica Katoff

Todd's POV
Mr. Keating's room was cold. The Dead Poet's stood in a small circle, a solemn air clinging to them like a second skin. Todd didn't want to ask what was wrong. He already knew deep down. Todd shook his head frantically as Mr. Keating took a tentative step towards him, misery coloring his voice as he said,

"Todd...."

Charlie stepped forward, fresh tears running down his face. "Kiddo, Neil's--"

"No!" Todd shouted. If Charlie said it out loud it meant it was true. It meant Neil was really gone. "Please, don't."

"Neil's dead Todd," Charlie said, reaching out for him.

Todd threw Charlie's hand off of him before storming out of the room. He ignored the other's shouting out for him as anger was seething right beneath his skin. Charlie had said it. Neil was dead. The sentenced echoed throughout his mind. Everywhere he looked, the sentence was plastered. No! No, no, no, no! He needed to find Neil. Neil couldn't be dead!

Todd stumbled outside. Everything was white. The bare trees, the ground, the sky. The wind bit ruthlessly into him and the cold snow drenched Todd to his core. He ignored all of it. Neil would have loved this. This endless world of white. Neil would have loved it....

"It's so beautiful."

With those words, Todd began to gag. Crouching down into the snow, he began to vomit. The bile burned his throat and tears flowed freely down his face. Three hands started to rub his back. Todd turned his head slightly to see Meeks, Knox, and Pitts standing behind him. They all were mummering quiet words of comfort. Charlie knelt in front of him and gentled pushed some snow into Todd's mouth.

"Todd?" Charlie asked while stroking his hair. "Todd, you're gonna be alright. It's gonna be alright."

He repeated the phrase over and over as he shoveled snow over Todd's mouth to help rid him of the vomit. The words felt empty because nothing was alright!

"It's alright, Todd," Pitts said, gently massaging his shoulder.

"No, it's not. He wouldn't have done it," Todd cried out brokenly. He knew the words were a lie. Neil had been sick.

"You can't explain it, Todd," Meeks offered.

"His father made him do it!" Todd said urgently, grasping onto Charlie's arms. "It was his father!"

"No!" Charlie said, cupping Todd's face. "No, Todd it wasn't."

Todd started to sob. It had to be his father. Neil wouldn't have left him unless something forced him to. It hurt too much to think that Neil would have willingly left him. Todd buried his face into Charlie's neck.

"Why? Why'd he leave me?"

"I don't know, kiddo. But you gotta be strong."

Be strong. The very words Neil had told him.

Todd began to scream. All the anguish inside came pouring out of him. He hated this! He hated Neil for leaving him. Why couldn't he have waited? They could have run away together. Anywhere. But now? What did Todd have now?

"I can't do it. I can't do it alone," Todd whimpered, his voice hoarse from screaming.

You have to. Todd jerked violently as he heard the words being whispered into his ear by Neil. Be strong for the both of us.

Todd let Charlie and the others take him back to his dorm. He felt too drained to protest. However, when Charlie began to put him into his bed, Todd flew up and curled up into Neil's bed. Todd crushed the pillow to his face as he inhaled Neil's faint scent that still lingered. Charlie ran his fingers through his hair and said,

"I'll be right here, Todd."

Todd said nothing as Charlie sat on the edge of the bed. He felt too worn. He didn't fight the urge to close his eyes.

Todd couldn't help but hope that when he woke up, it would all have been a dream.