notes to you

5 // stages of getting over a heartbreak

black

It consumes you as a whole. You forget how you were before they came into your life and flipped it around. It's suffocating, cuts your air supply and you're bawling your eyes out at two in the morning begging for it to be over. You wonder how you let someone have that much of a hold on you. You wonder how you allowed that to happen. You wonder what went wrong and why they never felt the same. There are times you hit such a low where you question if it's even normal to feel so sad. There comes a point where even your friends can't help you. You end up pushing them away and your mom can't sleep because you're losing your mind over another person.

red

You feel like tearing something up or breaking something or screaming till your voice goes numb. You snap at everyone because you're tired of them telling you that everything will be okay because you've tried everything you could but can't seem to get out of this. You're angry at yourself for getting into this and now you don't have a way out and you seem to be losing your friends, your family and you don't feel like doing anything you loved doing. You can't concentrate on anything and you can write or sing or dance or paint. You're angry at them for not trying harder to work it out, for not giving you a chance. You want to blame the person who took them from you, even when you know in the back of your head that it isn't anyone's fault.

blue

You haven't thought of it in two days. Your mind has seem to accepted that it was never really worth it. It wasn't really all good, there were some bad parts too. You start accepting that things like this happen sometimes and it's not worth losing your mind over. You're able to distract yourself from this, you start finding new hobbies and you finally pick the old ones up too. You see the light at the end of the tunnel and you're able to pick yourself up and dust yourself off to head towards it. You can finally breathe, it's not pressing down on your chest like it used to.

green

You can talk about them without feeling like you want to curl up and start crying. You start with things like cleaning your room or hugging your mom every morning. You make small talk with them and it doesn't leave you a mess like it used to. Talking to them is easy and doesn't feel like you're doing it out of desperation, like when they used to be your only escape. You don't feel obligated to laugh or hide behind humour. You can talk to someone else without searching for them in everyone you meet. It doesn't consume every single thought of yours anymore. You laugh louder and you share more. You eventually work on mending your way with your friends and family. It feels like a weight has been lifted of your shoulders, it doesn't keep weighing down on you like a ton of metal.

yellow

You wake up one day and you just know that you're free. Even if you're failing your classes or struggling with your weight, you know they're not the only reason your still going on. They might be in your life, they might not but you don't stay stuck on that thought because you realise that there's much more to look forward to, and being upset about the same thing again and again just stops you from not going through with what you could be doing. There's endless possibilities of where you may go after this, but you know that you're ready to go through another turmoil without being bothered by something else. You know you're over it, you know you've moved on.

-s