notes to you

27 // i'm not alright

and when will the sobbing stop?
behind closed doors
in rhythmic patterns,
sniffs and wheezes,
cries can be heard
and she bites her lip
and grips her pillow tight.
she wills herself to stop
but she's been drinking her tears too long.
now it's out in the open
and people see her stained cheeks
and people notice her absence,
but what good is that
when her light footsteps are unnoticeable
and alcohol replaces the tears
and she drinks and drinks and drinks
till she can't walk straight.
and when she falls
she hopes her life does too,
wishing her blackout
is a permanent one.
abandoned as a child
and abandoned as an adult,
loneliness is still her worst enemy.
people told her she was worthless
till she started believing she was,
their voices became hers
but two floors is too less.
so instead she stared at the sea aimlessly,
except aimless she wasn't,
imagination she couldn't use anywhere else
ran wild with the waves,
and she hoped they'll be as unforgiving
as they are now.
and then she did nothing
but lifeless she sat,
and then swung her legs over to the other side
and carried on.

-s