My Little Secret

Chapter 18 {Edited}

Chapter 18

The next few days seemed to fly by. I wasn’t ready to go back to school and decided I wanted to try with the tutor again. I needed to complete the rest of my schooling, but I didn’t want to go back there. I didn’t want to have to face Garry, Amy or any of the other whores he slept with.

“Mum can I get the tutor again I don’t have to go back there? I don’t want to face them,” I asked. I was prepared for mum to say no but what she said surprised me.

“Why don’t you just change schools? You’re a smart girl Tina, you can catch up quickly. Then you can pretend nothing happened. You won’t know anyone and they won’t know you,” mum replied.

She was right, I wouldn’t know anyone and they wouldn’t know anything about me. I decided to think about it. Today was Wednesday so I had until Friday to think about it so I could transfer over to start the next week.

Chloe was growing so quickly. She’s a clever little girl, but lately I just couldn’t be around her for too long. She looked just like her dad. I would spend about twenty minutes at a time with her and it began to be too much. I’d walk out crying. I love my little girl, but seeing her breaks my heart. We were meant to be a family and now it will always be just Chloe and myself.

I laid in my room on the floor just thinking of how things have changed so much over the past few months, I went from being over the moon to not wanting to get out of bed. I lost the one guy I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with all because he hurt me like no one else has.

As the tears started to fall I felt like hell. My head was pounding, and my chest hurt. I felt like I did every other time I thought back to that horrible night. I rolled over into the foetal position and continued to cry. I started to nod off just as I heard Chloe start to cry.

I slowly got up off the floor and wiped my face. I looked in the mirror and my eyes and nose were red, and my face was all blotchy. I looked like shit. When I got to Chloe’s room she was standing up in her cot banging on the wall with her bottle.

I took Chloe into the kitchen and got some lunch ready. She had a tub of yogurt and some arrowroot biscuits. I made myself a chicken and mayo sandwich while Chloe munched on her biscuit.

“Is that yummy bubba girl?” I asked Chloe.

She didn’t reply; she just stuck the biscuit back into her mouth. After Chloe was finished it was time for her to have a bottle and a nap. I grabbed her bottle and got her out of the high chair and took her into the lounge room. I changed her nappy and laid her on the lounge beside me.

“Come on bubba, its sleep time,” I was starting to lose my patience. All she did was cry and scream.

It’s been forty-five minutes since I first tried to put Chloe down for a nap, but she still won’t go down.

“Please baby, it’s time to go to sleep,” I said while crying. Chloe just kept stressing me out. ‘I couldn’t do this anymore,’ I thought to myself.

Thank god mum walked in the door. I walked towards my mum and passed her Chloe.

“She won’t stop. I don’t know what she wants,” I said as tears spilled down my cheeks.

“You just need to persevere with her Tina. She’s still only a baby,” my mum replied as she walked back into the lounge room.

Chloe had stopped crying five minutes after I gave her to mum and she was already sound asleep. ‘My own daughter doesn’t even want me,’ I thought. I went up to my room and cried. All I seem to do these days is cry. I always feel so down; I don’t know how to be happy anymore.