BETTER SAFE THAN ZOMBIE

15| Dead Meat

A chorus of Grudge-keening sound.

Ohhh.

I slowly opened my eyes, aware of my pounding head. It felt so heavy, like my head had ballooned to the size of a grand piano. Briefly, I wondered if I had been hit. Then I started wondering if I was still in a state that I could hit them back, and began assessing my situation.

My body felt bruised, weak, and just a wee bit close to death—but I didn't feel any stinging pain that would indicate that I was bitten, and my limbs seemed to be intact, all my fingers and toes wiggling obediently.

Alright, I was still alive.

For the moment, at least.

I was in a dark room, full of boarded windows and blood crusted walls. The floor felt dirty beneath me, and the room was empty and bare of furniture. My hands were chained above me, and they have stripped me of my winter clothes and weapons, so that I was down to my handy faded jeans and t-shirt. I shivered, struggling to get out of the stupor I had fallen into. I just couldn't understand how the zombies became so smart. They never laid a trap that clever before. Mostly when they saw a human, they attack, eat, and happily ever after. The only thing that gave us (humans) an advantage to zombies was that we still have our logical and rational way of thinking, using cunning to escape from them.

But if the zombies had become clever too...

We're dead meat.

And that's speaking both figuratively AND literally.

A cluster of zombies were hungrily looking down at me, their purple tongues slowly licking their dry, cracked lips in anticipation. Gross.

I looked around, searching for anything that I could use to escape. It was hard to believe that the zombies had chained me themselves, and that they had patiently waited for me to wake up so that they could eat a struggling meal peppered with succulent screams. It didn't seem likely to me.

Maybe there was an uninfected human somewhere behind the scene, wanting to feed this zombie horde for unfashionable reasons. As long as there was someone I could talk rationally to, then they could be persuaded. I didn't like our chances if there wasn't one.

"Hazel?" A voice groaned.

I turned my head to the right. Ethan was slowly waking up beside me, his hands, like mine, also chained. They had stripped him too, and there was a gash on his left cheek. His eyelids, before a half-mast, snapped open in shock when he took in my situation.

"Are they..." he trailed off.

"Going to gut me, eat my flesh, drink my blood, and tear my body into pieces until all that was left is a slaughtered-looking carcass?" I supplied wryly. "Yeah, you could say that."

Ethan didn't smile. He looked horrified. "Holy shit. We have to get out of here!"

I rolled my eyes. "Okay. Just let me gather all my superpowers."

"Hazel, I'm serious."

He was.

I sighed. "I don't know what you want me to do, Ethan. I'm trying to think, but there doesn't seem to be a way out. No one seems to be inside this room except for us, and this lovely family of flesh eaters. It's over. Or do you think I could pull off a Jackie Chan move by killing them all just by using my legs?"

"Well, you could try."

I looked at him for a moment. "Ethan," I said slowly, "Did they bump your head too hard?"

I tugged at my chains, and the zombies all snarled, reacting to the sudden sound. "See? I don't know what they're waiting for, but look at their bloodthirsty faces. I'd like to credit all their drool for my beautiful ass, but I think the only thing they're thinking about my ass is its omega-3 content. And that zombie over there looks gay. I mean, look at those shoes."

He looked around desperately. "Can't we break out of these chains? Maybe I could distract them while you try to get out."

I rolled my eyes. "These chains are made of steel, Ethan. Unless I've been hiding some kind of special false teeth made from my wit, I don't think we can get out of these even with you nobly sacrificing yourself."

I kept my tone light, but deep inside, I was furious at his suggestion. How could he be so stupid?

"Then why the hell are they not eating us?" He demanded. "There's something wrong, and maybe we could use it to our advantage."

I studied the faces of our captors. They were all zombies, and they all looked like they couldn't wait to eat us. So why exactly are they waiting to eat us?

"Where's the little girl?" I asked abruptly.

Ethan looked surprised. "The little girl? The one who baited you? What about her?"

I shifted from side to side, scanning the room. The chains clanked noisily from the movement, and the zombies growled at the sound, but I ignored all of it. A thought had begun slowly forming in my mind, and I leaned back on the floor, eyes wide, when I finally figured it out.

"Holy shit," I whispered.

Ethan was looking at me, looking apprehensive. "What is it?"

I stared at him. "They've really evolved, Ethan. This—" I pointed at the group of zombies looking at us "—is a horde."

He looked confused. "Yeah, they're a horde of zombies. So what?"

"No, you don't understand." I shook my head. "What do you see in nature when animals group together? In ants, and in bees. In wolves.  Like this zombie horde, they usually have a—"

Ethan'a eyes widened in understanding. "A queen."

"A leader was what I was going to say, but you get the gist." I waved my hand away. "Maybe they're not eating us because they're waiting for—"

I didn't manage to finish my sentence.

The door opened, and the little girl entered.

I didn't look at her to see what she would do. Instead, I abruptly turned to Ethan.

"Thank you," I blurted out. "For saving my life twice. And for the snow angels. At least I made my mark in the world, and I'm happy with that. I wouldn't have made it without you."

I meant to say something else instead with the last sentence, but balked out at the last second. To cover up that little mishap, I smiled at him.

To my horror, Ethan's eyes shined suspiciously with what looked like unshed tears.

"Yeah," he murmured. "At least we made our mark in the world." He smiled back. "It was nice meeting you, Hazel Williams."

"It was a pleasure meeting you too, Ethan Blake."

The moment would have been better punctuated with a fist bump, but I guess we'd have to settle for less.

Then I turned to the horde, who were still watching me. They were letting the little girl pass through them, and I knew it wouldn't be long before she reached my spot. I guess even they knew I was more delicious than Ethan - or maybe they were using that 'save the best for last' adage. Better die not knowing, I guess. It would have made a tragic end to my beautiful autobiography.

The little girl finally reached me, her red eyes filled with endless hunger.

"You know," I drawled, eyeing their yellow teeth and yucky faces, "When I look at you, I feel...that million years of human evolution was such a waste."

Then I smirked.

"Eat," commanded the little girl.

And all the devil's spawn descended on me.