BETTER SAFE THAN ZOMBIE

OZTS 10| London Bridge

We all gaped at Kailey.

"What," she said, her voice cold, "are you doing to Chris?"

Hazel was the first to react.

"Kailey!" she shouted. "That guy hit Christian until he bled. He told Christian that he was going to kill him and that before that, he was going to gut him. And then he told Christian that you weren't meant for Christian, that you two aren't going to be married someday. He told Christian that you didn't love him and that you were fat. And that guy--" She pointed to Max, "--is gay and wanted Christian for himself. He said he was going to make love with him until Christian calls him 'Mrs. Robinson'. They're bad guys, Kailey!"

Silence.

Even Stephen looked dumbstruck.

Max just looked like all of his blood suddenly evaporated.

Hazel still wasn't finished though. She took a deep breath and enthusiastically returned to lying between her teeth.

"And Max said that you aren't good for Christian because you're dominant and you would clash together. Max said he was a submissive, so they would be perfect together. He also said that Christian told him to bite his lip because it turns him on and that he likes to do it in the playroom while listening to classical music. Max said that his inner goddess squirms when Christian looks at him and that he wants them to use safewords so that their BDSM will totally be safe... although I don't know what that all means, being as innocent as I am. Max is so dirty, Kailey!"

"Innocent, my ass," muttered Ethan. "You just summarized Fifty Shades without blinking an eye."

Hazel ignored him. "Christian's virginity is at stake, Kailey! 'Let him remain pure as snow, ne'er to be dirtied by the foul word 'fornification', said Jesus in Matthew chapter nine, verse six. Defend his chastity belt!"

Christian winced.

"Um," interrupted Stephen, his eyebrows raising up. "There wasn't a verse like that in Matthew, and I'm pretty sure Jesus--"

"Anyway," said Hazel loudly, "As a girl, are you okay with letting your beloved go through intense sexual intercourse with that little shit?"

"Hey!" Max exclaimed.

"Of course not, right?" Hazel continued, looking eager. "In the name of true love, let this unholy fight begin. Remember, this a no holds barred match. Punching his balls is totally okay. Bout ends with a tap out or a knockout, or maybe even a testicle removal. Okay? Ready, set go!"

"Hold on," said Max angrily. "That was all just a bunch of lies--"

He stopped, his eyes going wide as he caught sight of Kailey. Terror flashed quickly on his face before he recovered and managed to hide it. I almost felt sorry for him.

"London bridge is falling down. Falling down, falling down."

Kailey was singing softly, her whole body slightly swaying. She was grinning, but it was the kind of grin that was awkwardly wide, like the Cheshire cat in Alice in the Wonderland. The hair at the back of my neck stood up. "London bridge is falling down, my fair lady."

"Why is she singing?" demanded Stephen. "Why the fuck is she singing?"

We all watched with bated breath as she started inching closer to Max, her footsteps echoing softly in the silence. She was stepping quickly but covered little ground, like she was taunting him. "Build it up with iron bars. Iron bars, iron bars." She giggled. "Build it up with iron bars, my fair lady."

"Hazel," I whispered. "Maybe we should stop her."

My bestfriend shrugged, not looking alarmed in the slightest.