Kakoolookiyam's Book of One Shots

Say You Won't Leave

SAY YOU WON'T LEAVE
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This is it. This is the moment I've been fearful of right from the start, the moment I hoped and prayed for not to happen... and yet it's happening now.

Here I am, sitting across the couch of the living room, looking down on my face while I listen to your sobs which has been lasting for a few minutes now. I can't believe I made you cry because of sadness, when I promised you before that I'll only make you cry tears of joy.

God, I love you Marran. I do. But you've changed, and so have I.

"Why do you want to leave me? Why do you want yo break up with me? Tell me why!" You say to me in between those dreadful sobs, each sob louder and sadder than the last one.

"Because... because I don't know you anymore." I reply calmly, trying to hide the fact that I was about to cry.

"What do you mean I've changed?!? Goodness gracious, Howen, I only pursued my dreams! Is it wrong for me to become an engineer?!" You shout at me.

"I never said it was wrong to follow your dream, Marran, but to let your success get the best of you? To let it devour your soul and your conscience? That's a whole different story--that's unlike you!" I finally burst out and look at you straight in the eye.

I stood up from the couch as I continued talking.

"The girl I fell in love with? She was down to Earth, she never lied, nor did she cheated to me or to anyone... but you--ever since you topped the board exams and became an ace engineer you've been doing nothing but shaming me and our friends, you've stolen money from the company you're working for and what's worst is you cheated on me with your client!" I continued.

"Oh so this is what it's all about, huh? You're just trying to make me feel guilty about everything I did? Is this your way of exacting revenge on me because I made you give up your dreams of becoming an ace pilot?! Is that it?!" You shout back, furious.

"I stole that money because I wanted us to start planning for our life together, and that affair with my client? Wasn't my apology enough?!? What do you want me to do? Sell my soul?!" You continue.

"I am not trying to make you feel bad about yourself! I'm not even trying to get back at you for my failed career in aviation! For crying out loud, are you hearing yourself?!? You can't use our love as a justification for the misdeeds you've done!" I shout back.

"Like I told you, I'm leaving you because I don't know you anymore--and I don't love you anymore. I can't find any reason to stay in love with someone who makes me feel useless and stupid." I continue.

You were silent. For once, you were unable to say anything to me and you just looked at me, looking guilty. This is the perfect opportunity to end this argument.

"I'm leaving you because I realized I don't wanna be with someone who's manipulative. I don't wanna be with someone who I gave up my dreams for to be with and now only treats me like garbage. Most of all, I don't wanna be with a criminal--" I stop.

"So that's how you look at me now, huh? A criminal? For stealing cash I was gonna use for us?!" You cut off my line.

"Yes, a criminal--a criminal I'm goddamn in love with." I cut your line, making you blush.

You cane near me and held both of my hands tightly--God I'm gonna miss these soft little hands. My favorite hands to hold.

"If you love me, Howen, if you truly love me, you'll stay. Don't leave me." You say, your words makes me weak--but I know better.

"I have to leave, not for my own sake but for your own. I want you to focus on yourself and figure things out because your life is a mess right now, and so is mine. We have fix our own lives--separately." I say while looking at you straight in the eyes--the eyes I fell in love with. The eyes that are now full of tears.

"Let me chase my dream the way you chased yours and I'll let you fix yourself--and who knows? One day, if fate be kind, we might meet again. But until that day comes, I have to leave." I say, letting go of your grip on my hands.

I started marching towards the door, ready to leave you behind.

"Howen..." I hear you call out my name. I'm gonna miss the way you say my name.

I look at you as I held the doorknob.

"Please... tell me you're joking. Say you won't leave." You say one last time.

God I love you--I loved you. But not now, not anymore.

"I am leaving, and this is my goodbye." I reply. I then opened the door and left our apartment without as so much as glancing back at you.

Goodbye.
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